Father Mankowski’s advice

By Phil Lawler ( bio - articles - email ) | Sep 04, 2025

Last night, after writing a piece in which I quoted the late Father Paul Mankowski, I realized that the day was the 5th anniversary of his sudden death from a brain aneurysm.

Veteran CatholicCulture readers knew Father Mankowski primarily as “Diogenes,” the pseudonymous writer who contributed hundreds of witty comments to this site. Other faithful Catholics knew him as…

Well, that’s the problem. Most good Catholics—even most well-read Catholics—didn’t know Father Mankowski, either under his own name or as “Uncle Di.” That’s a shame, because, as I wrote in an obituary notice, comparing him with all the famous intellectuals I have met in my lifetime: “Among them, for sheer full-spectrum intellectual wattage, none was more brilliant than my friend, Father Paul Mankowski, who died suddenly this week.”

Sadly, because he was silenced by his Jesuit superiors, Father Mankowski’s written work did not gain the wide audience that it deserved. His pseudonymous writings delighted a small but appreciative audience, until he was ordered to stop writing as Diogenes, and he obeyed that order. Since his untimely death, three books have been publishing containing collections of his published and unpublished thoughts. But there was more treasure in that mine. Even after his death, his fellow Jesuits may have successfully silenced him; his laptop computer—containing who knows what treasures—disappeared from his room even before he was declared dead.

Ah, but my laptop, with the hundreds of email messages that I had received from him, remains intact. So, for the benefit of those who never read the work of either Father Mankowski or Diogenes, and for the delectation of those who won’t mind reading another sample—and in the fervent hope that it might provide some useful guidance for a newly bishop interested in serious reform—herewith one substantial offering. Along with several friends, Father Mankowski had put together a series of pointers for a bishop newly assigned to lead a diocese. With his encouragement, I posted a somewhat shorter (and bowdlerized) version under my own name, nearly fourteen years ago. But this was primarily Father Mankowski’s work:

SHIFTING THE EPISCOPAL PARADIGM

As we gaze upon recent events in the Church with horrified fascination, how about compiling some advice for the poor bastard who will replace the bishop of Springfield or any similar diocese? All of us have had some contact with bureaucracies—secular and religious—so we know about the usual organizational difficulties that come with a new assignment. (Didn’t 9-11 take place just 10 days or so after the new FBI director came on board, and didn’t he have to address questions like “what did they know” and “when did they know it”?) How about a listing of fair assumptions about the status quo followed by a listing of priorities for its undoing?

Assumptions

• The majority of priests are “company men.” They want to live and let live.
• Every diocese probably has a network of gay priests, maybe extensive, maybe very small, maybe very, very extensive.
• About 20-30% of the priests are leftist ideologues, outright heretics, historically encouraged by previous bishops who either feared them or sympathized with them.
• There’s a minority of activist orthodox priests, maybe less than 10%.
• There are fewer still sane activist orthodox priests. (I use the word “sane” flippantly: some orthodox priests are truly wild men; in addition, the priest who insists that all of the world’s problems will go away if he avoids speaking up and does more holy hours may be truly “orthodox” in a sane environment, but isn’t much use on the field of battle if he gives in to evil programs as he invokes “obedience.”)
• In most corrupted dioceses, the chanceries are filled with toadies who never tell the bishop what he needs to hear.
• Some ostensibly orthodox priests use the outward appearances of orthodoxy to mask sinful behavior.
• Some orthodox priests like to drink—for good reason, I might add. There is the customary percentage of alcoholics numbered among all the priests, some of whom will soon be knocking at the new bishop’s door.
• The liturgy is in shambles in most parishes, even some of the “orthodox” ones. (Many orthodox priests just don’t know!)
• Catechesis is in bad shape. Usual problems. See the National Catholic Reporter.
• A “very nice” school superintendent promotes sex-ed in the schools. In many ways, he has bought into the corruption as a result of years of scandal. (He may be unwitting as to the true nature and depth of the corruption.) The Catholic schoolteachers—many of whom are good-willed enough—are in the same boat.
• The most corrupt and liberal priests are the most likely to try to cozy up to the new bishop with flattery. The conservatives are either too busy in their parishes or find brown-nosing repugnant.
• The more liberal the diocese, the higher the salary and benefits for the priests. With higher salaries, there is more of a tendency to be fat and happy, to “live and let live.”
• The chancery departments are so bloated that the work they do is about a quarter of what half the staff could do. And the work that is put out is useless at best, damaging to faith and morals at worst—e.g., “Office of Social Justice” or “Gay and Lesbian Ministries.”
• There could be one or two truly orthodox priests assigned to the chancery rubble, but here’s the fun part: Some of the priests were assigned to the chancery to get them out of ministry! n some cases, the transfer was made because of a too indiscreet celebration of diversity! In other cases because of, well, a too public display of orthodox Catholicism!
• Oh, I almost forgot: The new bishop knows that if he riles the rabble in an orthodox way, it is unlikely he’ll receive the support of the Vatican.
• Fresh from his installation or consecration Mass, the new bishop arrives at the chancery with, “Hi, everybody!” He’s orthodox. He loves the Church. What does he do next? What are the priorities? Assume he has a gun.

Ministry of greeting and hospitality

• If there are any sane and orthodox communities of female contemplatives in the diocese, visit them within the first few hours of your installation and enlist their prayers for you.
• Upon arrival, get rid of all paper shredders and insist that no work be taken home in briefcases. Make friends with the maintenance man and the wash lady.
• Immediately obtain a backup copy of the computer network and secure it for any future audit; change the locks; secure the bank accounts and check stock.
• Ask for resignations from everyone on the chancery staff. (Ideally, the apostolic administrator should have done the honors before the new bishop arrived.)They should understand clearly that you determine whether or not they stay, and the presumption is negative.
• There are probably a large number of people you really have to sack quickly: rebellious pastors, effeminate chancery officials, etc. (The less urgent cases can wait; you can use the budget crisis to justify the blow.) Fire them all at once. Plan it carefully to minimize the uproar. Make the announcements late on a Friday afternoon. On Saturday, release that rip-snorting pastoral letter on family life. Schedule some event Sunday with a big, loyal Catholic group. Tell reporters you’ll answer questions there.
• Meet with the abuse victims. Take names.

Celebrating vibrant new ideas

• Hire an outside firm to do a thorough financial audit and be sure to have a closed-door chat with the on-the-ground auditors to find out what they found.
• The next pastoral should insist upon the proper celebration of the Mass. It should contain disciplinary teeth. Gay priests hate constraint. It’s easier to catch them in an act of liturgical abuse than an act of self, or other sexual, abuse.
• Put the religious orders on notice. Maybe throw out one of the smaller ones just as a warning shot.
• Let every person know, whether he (or she) wishes you well or ill, that you shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to ensure the survival and success of the confessional. In other words, expunge general absolution, ensure confessionals are screened and see to a climate of orthodox confessional practice. Make it clear that you’ll be watching and act swiftly when someone brings you bad news.

Building community in the new chancery

• Like Archbishop Pell of Sydney, Australia, get a secretary who’s married with several children. Break the daisy-chain from the get-go.
• Talk to the pro-lifers, identify the level-headed ones, and get their read on your own clergy: who’s solid, who’s good but weak, who belongs to the opposition. Ditto for the lay bureaucrats and hospital admin types.
• Having found a priest or two you can trust, spend some long late evenings going over personnel files with them.
• Plan for a massive scale-down: school and parish closings, clergy put on waivers, chancery pink slips, etc. You’ll probably have a 6-to-12-month grace period in which you can justify almost any cost-cutting by saying, “Sorry. We have to pay the sodomy bill.” Use it to get rid of the worst personnel and the schools that are beyond hope.
• To the extent possible, fly in support to your home-schoolers. Inter alia, almost all the vocations you get (and want to keep) will come from them.
• You’re going to have two or three prosperous parishes that are traditional centers of opposition, led almost inevitably by prominent liberal priests. If you had all your priests read a fire-breather pastoral on protecting family life, you’d probably have enough general lay support, even with a hostile media, to face down the bad pastors after they refused to play ball. Replace the poofters with Nigerians to mute the screams from liberals and to force the worst parishioners to go to the Episcopalians or the Paulists.

Collaborating with the laity

• Have a series of meetings with law-enforcement supervisors, maybe lieutenants and up, explaining that you don’t want your men feather-bedded anymore. Tell them, e.g., if a priest gets caught in a parked car or a washroom, book him. Buy the DA a beer.
• Get to know some state troopers. Buy them a round of beer as well. Tell them that you want to hear about trouble from them, not from the press. Tell them it is a moral obligation to arrest wrong-doers.
• Make friends outside the clerical establishment. (That means: no priests, religious, or church workers.) Spend time with pro-lifers, home-schoolers, doctors who don’t prescribe the Pill, community leaders who have taken hits for defending the faith. Wangle invitations to go to their homes. Go by yourself. Listen. Ask their teenage boys if they want to be priests. If not, ask why not.

Thinking in new paradigms

• Hire your own director of religious education and tell him to select new texts throughout. Institute standardized testing to make sure something is happening in CCD classes. Tell parents that kids can’t be confirmed if they do not pass the test. Spot-check when you do confirmations.
• Get rid of the prissy MC who handles liturgical ceremonies. Tell pastors that when you come to their parishes, they have to supply the MC. Or—better—draft a different seminarian to do it every week/month.
• Bring in the people in charge of sex-ed and AIDS ministry. Ask them with whom they’ve been working in the parishes, and make a list. Give them 30-days’ notice. If you have any “street priests,” pull them off the street ASAP.
• Think seriously about shutting down the diocesan newspaper; it certainly loses money and it’s probably a waste. If you decide to keep it going, hire your own editor, give him lots of leeways, but tell him it’s got to support itself.
• Institute zero-based budgeting, and make it stick. Don’t ever let someone ask for an X % budget increase; make him justify each dollar spent in terms of demonstrated benefit—preferably spiritual—to the diocese.
• Find a few seasoned professionals—maybe successful lay businessmen who are almost ready to retire—to handle the nuts-and-bolts issues, like real estate and physical plant maintenance.
• Open your own mail. You can farm out the projects later.

Consultation and dialog

• Cultivate a reputation for enjoying candor. When people give you a “nice” answer to your questions, press them: “You don’t really think that, do you?”
• Insist on being treated with respect, but whenever people start flattering you, interrupt. Don’t let them start. Make it part of your examination of conscience: Have I done anything to encourage flattery today?
• When you speak to friendly Catholic audiences, don’t always tell them what they want to hear. Challenge them. The first time you talk to a large K of C event, ask them when they’re going to start acting like real men.
• Spend a lot of time at the seminary. Arrive unannounced frequently.
• When you visit parishes, skip the phony paperwork. Speak to the priests, personnel, and parish council—one-on-one, if possible. Ask them what’s the biggest problem facing the parish. Look for trends in the sacramental index. Check the liquor cabinet in the rectory. Check the grocery bill.
• Make a habit of calling priests at random, at odd times. Ask them what they’re doing.

Networking and team ministry

• Pick a few conscience fights early on—at least arenas for conscience fights—e.g., the right of Catholic med students to opt out of abortion and sterilization training, the right of Catholic pharmacists not to fill prescriptions for the Pill, the right of girls working at 7-Eleven not to handle porn, etc. And here’s the key: ask the Protestants and Jews who belong to your civil amity luncheon groups to join you in the fights—not in support of your view, naturally, but simply in defense of freedom of religion. If they balk at helping you, you’ve got some moral capital in your pocket when they try to rope you into some scam-of-the-minute.
• On the same line, identify early on Orthodox Jews, who are big on family values, and make it clear you’re well disposed to them. Not only is it a huge help politically to have an Orthodox rabbi standing next to you when you hold a press conference deploring some abortion-law outrage, etc., but if you can get on the right side of the rift in the Jewish community you can spare yourself all kinds of crap from the liberal Jews who anoint themselves public spokesmen—without the taint of you-know-what. It’s amazing how few bishops see this.
• And while we’re in multicultural mode, many (professional class) Muslims are flattered as hell to be asked to be part of anti-porn or anti-abortion initiatives. Identify people you can work with and get them on board; if nothing else, the media are blocked from spinning stories in certain directions when all the photos or videos show an obvious imam or rabbi in the same frame as the bishop. NARAL and chums hate it when that happens. It’s a political rule of thumb to find out what your opponents don’t want you to do, and do more of it.
• When laws that impinge upon the Christian conscience are discussed (e.g., laws that would guarantee access to abortion or sterilization, laws that require hiring of homosexuals) remind everyone who represents the diocese that it is NOT sufficient to obtain a “religious exclusion” so that Church-run institutions are exempt. If what’s being proposed is morally objectionable, everyone should be able to invoke a conscience clause—at the bare minimum. Church lawyers and lobbyists should defend the rights of all Catholics, not only those employed by Church institutions.

Ongoing processes

• Having informed him of your wishes on the matter, dock the diocesan paper editor a week’s pay every time your photo appears. The Diocese is not about YOU.
• Publish every semester a roster of the theologians and philosophers teaching in your diocese along with their Mandatum status. Give a brief candid reason for those denied, e.g., “defects regarding Catholic doctrine on contraception.”
• If a complaint comes in on liturgical abuse, phone the pastor and get his side of the story. Make it a policy to write him a letter summarizing the conversation (e.g., his assurances of conformity) and insist that he post your letter in the vestibule of the church for a month. If the complainant reports no change, send someone to check it out on site.
• Find out when Adoration is being held at schools and colleges and make it a point of sliding in unexpectedly and joining the students in Adoration—not taking center stage but just being shoulder to shoulder at prayer with them.
• Visit all three service academies once a year and give the cadets the most ferocious homily you can muster (as a clandestine vocation appeal). I guarantee you’ll bag 6 to 10 a year—not all scholars, but good men from good families. There’s a huge pool of idealism there that’s coming to grips with the disillusionment toward military life because of the politics and compromises. They love folks who promise to make it hard on them.
• Institute a “Good Touch/Bad Touch” program in the diocese: Announce to the priests that if they would like you to be visiting them in prison, touch.
• Skip a meeting of the USCCB and delay paying the annual assessment just for the hell of it.