Family Bonds as Occasions of Temptation

By Fr. Jerry Pokorsky ( bio - articles - email ) | Jun 29, 2026

Jesus said to his apostles: “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me.” (Matt 10:37-39)

Unlike hostile commentators, Catholics appreciate the hyperbole in this teaching. The message of Jesus merely affirms our priorities: God first, then family devotion, and, finally, our everyday duties. But the hyperbole has shock value because we often are unaware of disordered affections that deflect us from our love for Jesus.

A short story by a Catholic writer many years ago helps illustrate the spiritual danger. A wealthy Spanish Catholic landowner lived on a prosperous hacienda with his large, devout family. The fruit of the land brought them great prosperity. Every Sunday, he and his family faithfully attended Mass. But the landowner himself never received Communion, and his family honored his privacy.

As the man approached the final days of his life, his family became increasingly concerned about his religious practice. They encouraged him to speak to a priest. He declined. On the eve of his death, he finally submitted to their pleas. The priest heard his confession and, as a condition for absolution, the man resolved to make restitution for a theft.

Many years earlier, he had defrauded a poor man of the property that became his estate, the source of his wealth. He would have to return the stolen property. The old man informed his family of his plans, but he died before he could make amends. After his death, his family continued to go to church. But in a conspiracy of silence, this time, his entire family remained in their pews during Communion. Their love for their father had become an obstacle to justice. Rather than undo his theft, they chose to preserve the family's prosperity.

We often confuse Christian love with human affections. Jesus defines authentic love with obedience to His will: “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15) We measure our love for God by our obedience to Christ. The emotional response of affective love, much more common in family relationships, is important but secondary.

Who are we and why do we behave the way we do? As we examine our lives, we acknowledge that God created us in His image and likeness. Our natural human inclinations are good. Created in God's image, we naturally love and desire to be loved. Our vocation to love God and neighbor belongs not only to Catholics, but to every human person.

However, after Original Sin, we inherited disordered inclinations from our first parents that distort our good inclinations. Although we are inclined to kindness and generosity, we also carry the seeds of the seven deadly sins. We often feel the tug of vanity, sinful wrath, envy, sloth, lust, avarice, and gluttony. The Devil exploits our disordered inclinations through temptation. Deliberate evil actions violate the precepts of the Ten Commandments and the foundation of our humanity.

Some actions, like acts of lust, are evil in themselves. Circumstances and intentions will never render an evil act good. Sometimes, evil intentions distort morally good actions, as when we cynically praise someone to manipulate their affections. Circumstances can make an otherwise good act morally wrong. Lending money to an adult child is ordinarily an act of charity. Helping the child continue destructive habits is not.

But we do not commit a sin unless we know that an action is morally wrong and choose it freely. Our conscience governs these judgments. We form our consciences according to the teachings of the Church. We need God’s law to reinforce our God-given inclinations and prevent disordered affections from wounding our love for God.

The splendor of Catholic teaching distinguishes among temptations, feelings, and freely chosen actions. We may feel the tug of envy, for example, but we commit a sin only when we unjustly act on the inclination. God judges our freely chosen actions and provides grace to harness our disordered inclinations. We all have our predominant inclinations and faults.

But we should never reduce a person to his predominant fault. The foundation of every human identity is that we are created in the image and likeness of God. Rude labels easily discourage repentance. A person seriously resisting drug abuse, alcoholism, same-sex attraction, or miserly penny-pinching should not be defined by the sinful inclination.

God governs this moral and spiritual progression, helps us make the necessary distinctions, and gives us the dignity of responding in freedom. He enlightens us by His grace and the grace of the sacraments. But our compromises with the world often accumulate.

Family bonds are among the most beautiful gifts of this life. Yet they can become occasions of temptation. In the tangle of our minds, we may allow our affections for family and the things of this world to eclipse our loyalty to Jesus. It may take years for us to identify sinful habits rooted in disordered family loyalties that redirect our lives from union with Christ.

Like the prosperous landowner, the selfish multiplication of possessions that was a refuge in this life may inflame morbid fear and trepidation as we cross the threshold of death. It need not be so. During the crucifixion, one thief at last recognized the evil of his ways and humbly asked that Jesus remember him when He entered into His Kingdom. Jesus responded in love and forgiveness: “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” (Luke 23:43)

To keep Christ first in our lives, we need vigilance. We must never allow our love and affection for those closest to us to lead us into temptation. A traditional Christian table blessing, often displayed in homes as a framed plaque, may help:

Jesus is the Head of this Home,
The Unseen Guest at Every Meal,
The Silent Listener to Every Conversation.