what we know about the next pope

By Diogenes ( articles ) | Apr 05, 2005

CWN has learned, through confidential sources deep inside the Vatican, that the next Pope will be a Catholic.

Oh, you're not surprised?

Then maybe you're not a member of We Are Church, WomynChurch, EcoChurch, or any of the other groups now emerging to lobby-- uselessly but noisily-- for the selection of a Roman Pontiff who will ordain women, make abortion a sacrament, strike the 6th and 9th commandments from the decalogue, and canonize Che Guevera.

It won't happen. You know that. I know that. Now if we can just find a way to get the point across to the American mass media...

Much has been made about the fact that John Paul II issued red hats to nearly all of the men who will choose his successor. If you run down the list of cardinals, you realize that they are definitely not clones of the late Pope. But they are all alike in this respect: they're Catholics, too.