The compleat respectable Catholic journalist
So you want to be a respected Catholic journalist? You want to be invited to all the right conferences and symposia? Beginning tomorrow, try these simple steps.
- Wake up, shower, have a good cup of coffee, and jump on Twitter.
- Begin the day by denouncing any criticism of Pope Francis. (You’ll want these tweets posted early in the morning, East Coast time—right about when Vatican officials break for lunch.)
- Next, denounce anyone who has dared to disagree with your analyses of Vatican statements.
- Don’t just disagree; impugn the integrity of your adversaries. Question their motivations.
- Accuse them of calumny, blasphemy, and schism.
- Demand retractions. Threaten lawsuits.
- Then, to close out a busy day, deliver a magisterial lecture on how Catholic commentators must learn to disagree politely.
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