And if the lavender mafia causes you to sin...

By Diogenes ( articles ) | May 19, 2005

Based on today's Gospel reading, what would be the most logical way for a bishop to deal with reports that a homosexual network had set up in the diocesan seminary?

• Assume the reports are false. If they come from laymen, tell them they're being uncharitable. If they come from seminarians, get those young men out of the system.
• Promote the men who are said to be members of the network. That way, everyone will know you aren't going to be intimidated by rumors.
• Issue a statement affirming Church teachings on human sexuality.
• Install a new rector. Tell him to be discreet. Tell everyone to be discreet.
• Tell people who complain that you're taking action, but it's essential to keep things quiet for the good of the Church.

What? You say that list of options is incomplete? There's another way to deal with these things? I wouldn't know.