Job Interview: Opening for Diocesan Director of Public Relations

By Diogenes ( articles ) | Jan 20, 2005

Personnel. OK, Mister .... Sahheed, is it? Let me give you a hypothetical and ask how you'd respond. The diocesan chancellor is found late one night by the cops. He's been beaten to a jelly by a couple juveniles, and the park in which they find him is notorious as a gay cruising spot. You've got the Action News Team camped outside the bishop's office and he's short-listed for Louisville if you can keep his name out of the story. How do you handle it?

Candidate. Lemme see ... Monsignor was in the park playing a pick-up game with a bunch of teenagers (including his assailants), which was itself inappropriate, given his age and history of phlebitis.

There were runners on first and third, one out. The batter grounds to Monsignor at short. Instead of looking the runner back to third and then turning to throw to second, Monsignor, VERY inappropriately, fired to first. It was dark (being late), and the throw was short, taking a high hop past the first baseman, inappropriately, resulting in two runs scored and a man on second. Understandably, two of his younger and more impetuous teammates went berserk and punched the stuffing out of him.

Um ... um ... He is now focusing on his physical recovery, especially sidearm tosses to his left, and working on defensive awareness. We can expect him to resume pastoral duties in six months.

Well ...? Do I get the job...?

Personnel. Good effort, Mister Sahheed, but you neglected to scold the media for generating a scandal and to deplore the un-Christian pharisaism of a minority of unforgiving diocesan laity. I think you should seek employment better suited to your talents -- elsewhere.

NEXT!