For Those Called to Marriage

By Dr. Jeff Mirus ( bio - articles - email ) | Jun 20, 2011

A recent study shows that the percentage of Catholics who choose to marry in Church has declined dramatically over the past generation. Of course this is nothing that we did not already know. But having just returned from a very welcome week’s vacation—a week during which I was not actively involved in combatting the negative trends of contemporary Western culture—I have a slightly different perspective to offer.

The first point I’d like to make is that we need to be very careful in assessing the overall spiritual health of any given culture based on selective indicators. For example, we look back on the medieval period as a sort of golden age for the Church. But if we were to look at the statistics on clerical ignorance, we would be tempted to write off the Catholic culture of that era as a disaster. The same would be true if we were to consider the number of bishops who were directly entangled in worldly political affairs.

Certain shortcomings were endemic in the medieval Church because bishops tended to be selected from the younger sons of significant noble houses, the priesthood was a significant means of social advancement, and there was no consistent method in place for the education and formation of clergy. I do not mean to deny that the Church in every era has a marvelous capacity to make people holy. She always shines with saints, and she invariably elevates the surrounding culture in many ways. But she also reflects the strengths and weaknesses of that culture, from which after all she draws her daughters and sons.

Thus today, if we examine the level of education of our clergy or their appreciation of the distinction between Church and State, we might (despite various unfortunate tendencies one way or the other) be tempted to award a comparatively high cultural grade. But if we turn to statistics which reflect the sexual and marital mores of Catholics—divorce, contraception, pre-marital sex, and the percentage of sacramentalized marriages—well, we need hardly be surprised that quite a different picture will emerge.

My second point is closely related. If I’m right that the lack of Catholic weddings reflects a larger cultural crisis of both sexuality and fidelity, then I must also be right in asserting that it is not primarily those Catholics who do not marry in Church who are to blame. To the contrary, such persons have already been carefully taught to avoid Catholic marriage by their parents, who have miserably failed to deliver on the promise of their own sacramental unions. They have failed through contraception, through divorce, through infidelity and abandonment, through the elevation of worldly pursuits and pleasures over authentic family life—indeed, through a pervasive disinterest in spiritual growth, a squandering of the very graces their sacramental marriages were designed by Christ to provide.

The failure of children to marry in Church flows directly from parents who have not taken advantage of the graces of sacramental marriage to grow in holiness. What’s more, a significant number of those who do marry in Church have little understanding of what they are doing. We may stretch pre-Cana instruction from six months to a year to five years, and we will still too often be closing the door only after the horse is out of the barn. Worse still, the other evils traceable to undeveloped sacramental marriages are legion.

My third and final point is the kind of point we typically perceive only when we step back from our busy involvements, whether in pursuing our careers, securing our possessions, or even battling the enemies of the Church on CatholicCulture.org. It is simply this: Living our vocation properly is the most important thing we can do here on earth. If we are married, this means that constantly forming and renewing our spouses and children in Christian love is more important than getting a more important job, rising to greater public influence, making more money (in order to do more good!), pursuing personal dreams, or even sacrificing mightily to do apostolic work—such as writing brilliant essays critiquing our culture and defending our Church.

For those of us married in the Church, the greatest gift we have is the sacramental grace of our marriages. We must love and nurture this special share in the life of God even as it loves and nurtures us. And the greatest gift we can give is the stability, security and deep formation our children will receive as we both love them in this grace, and love this grace in them.

After a week off, this is what I see. As I prepare to buckle on the old armor and raise the old sword (and, by Heaven, to harry every foe in sight), this is what I know. As a matter of priorities, I am convinced it is quite enough to know it. Before I pick a fresh target or ask for another dime, I want to be absolutely sure you know it too.