An Uncommon Policy Regarding Marriage

by Michael P. Orsi

• President Clinton's behavior in the "Sex-gate Scandal" is really consistent with the baby-boom generation, which is not usually known for commitment. His post-World War II cohort came of age in the 1960s therapeutic society that nurtured feel-good relativism. This philosophy has so dominated our cultural attitudes that the most fundamental institutions of society have been undermined, the first and foremost being marriage and the family. At the moment the dissolution of marriages is well documented at 50%. Civil government and churches are duly concerned since the impact is taking its toll, causing high degrees of poverty, delinquency, depression. and suicide in society.

To stem this trend, both civil and church authorities have tried new initiatives. The state of Louisiana has enacted an alternative to regular marriage known as "Covenant Marriage" which, for those choosing it, makes their marriage much more difficult to dissolve, mandating counseling before divorce papers can be filed. The churches have tried to develop programs and policies forcing couples to be better prepared upon entering marriage, as well as programs to save marriages on the verge of divorce. Many dioceses have introduced FOCCUS, a program designed to help couples identify and discuss basic issues which are key to a successful marriage and RETROUVAILLE for troubled marriages. Yet, the basic flaw of both the civil and religious programs is that they are being built on sandy foundations of diluted theology and junk pop-psychology which provide little strength for when the winds blow and the rain falls.

Aristotle taught that people best learn by precept, exhortation and example. Following this timeless and wise counsel the Pontifical Council for the Family taught in the Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality (1995) that strong emphasis should be placed on the remote stage of marriage preparation beginning in early childhood, as the family leads their children to discover themselves and their vocation. It focused on the primary role of parents as educators of their children and the ancillary responsibilities of the Church, school and civic organizations in forming children for future relationships. The frequent abdication of this role of educator by the parents leads to children who are either searching for guidance, often in wrong places, or who have given up on all authority. The fact that many parents still have the ability to influence their adult children was the point echoed in a recent challenging article, as a Generation X'er reminds the baby-boomers that they continue to have formative power over their twenty-something children, since people in their 30s, 40s and 50s shape the news and public opinion. He chastises his parents' generation for their lackadaisical attitude toward truth and morality vis a vis the President's behavior. He states, "Our values are still being formed and we look to our elders and our culture to shape our futures" (Frank, Philadelphia Inquirer, October 5, 1998, p. All). This young adult highlights the importance, too, of our mediating agencies such as Catholic schools, religious education programs, youth groups and institutions of higher learning, which are invaluable when they provide solid Catholic teaching in matters of faith and morals. Bishops and pastors should be vigilant to see that this is indeed the case.

Sociologists tell us that the baby-boomers' broken and troubled marriages are due to the fact that they have been socialized differently from past generations (Kosmin and Lachman, 1993). The therapeutic age in which they were reared promoted easy happiness which militated against any delayed gratification, hard work or self-sacrifice that is necessary to sustain a lifelong and faithful relationship (Whitehead, 1997). In Daniel Goleman's thesis Emotional Intelligence (1995) he demonstrates how an underdeveloped emotional I.Q. does not develop the virtues of patience and perseverance which are necessary to work through problems in order to achieve a higher good or be successful in life. Indicative of this quick fix approach to problems is the unsound advice of pop-psychologists who advise couples to divorce for their happiness and their children's good. In A Generation at Risk (1997), this radical approach is condemned even by Amato and Booth, two left-of-center sociologists who have determined that, barring physical abuse, the children of couples that stay together and struggle with their marriage are better off than children of couples who separate. The reason for this is that children often imitate their parents' poor coping behavior and therefore have a higher rate of divorce than those who come from intact homes. What can be done to break this cycle of divorce now eroding the moral fabric of our society and even the credibility of our Catholic teaching on the Sacrament of Marriage?

The present Sexgate crisis provides the Church with a unique opportunity to clarify some of the fuzzy thinking and lax attitudes that are presently eroding the basic moral principles of permanence and fidelity upon which the institution of marriage rests. In The Empty Church (1997) Thomas Reeves documents the decline of preaching on the traditional personal morality in favor of social issues and moral relativity. He contends that the clergy's failure to preach and teach these traditional biblical concepts is two-fold; first, they themselves are captive to general cultural mores, and second, they are fearful of offending the members of their congregations. Nevertheless, the Dominical command which describes marriage as a permanent institution foreordained by the Creator demands clear enunciation. The crisis further highlights the importance of telling the truth in general and the truth about marriage in particular. In Evil (1997), R. Baumeister points out that evil makes its inroads in our personal and social relationships when our moral teaching is ambiguous, i.e., susceptible to multiple interpretations, and confused by misinformation. First and foremost, telling the truth about sacramental marriage is to attack divorce, and those events that lead to it, as sinful. On the sacramental level, divorce besottes and rents a sacred bond. It does violence to the image of Christ's love that the married couple proclaims to be. Instead of a source of grace for each other, their children and the world, they become a scandal and a source of personal and social sin. Because their behavior blocks out love, they give evil a chance to fill in the vacuum. As scripture attests, all sin is social and passes its effects to others and future generations. No amount of therapy or quality time with children can undo the damage. Not to name divorce for what it is, SIN, only allows evil free reign to perpetuate itself and to continue its deadly spread which undermines the moral fabric of society. Divorce is always a human disorder; it is not part of the Creator's plan and can never be acceptable for Christians. Perhaps a pastoral from the bishops on this topic is long overdue.

For Catholics the foundational program for marriage preparation has been long in place. Any policy designed to safeguard the sanctity of marriage must begin with a reemphasis on its sacramental nature. In Religion as Poetry (1995) Andrew Greeley presents conclusive data that the Catholic sacramental imagination holds a powerful sway in Catholic perception of reality. With this in mind, it would seem logical that the first step in stemming the erosion of Catholic marriages is to begin a new catechesis on the sacraments in general and marriage in particular. What seems to be missing is the conscious awareness of transcendent relationships which sacramental life directly establishes. This union entered into by the couple must be seen as including a divine dimension that reaches beyond the individuals and participates in the very life of God who desires the personal salvation of the couple as well as the good of humanity through the graces conferred by the sacrament.

In Tell Me a Story (1991), Roger Shank relates the importance that stories play in shaping human behavior. Ritual is recognized as a most powerful vehicle for story-telling due to its didactic and affective qualities which effectively shape the reality of the participant. The Church's primary story for formation is the Mass. Because of this, the Church mandates weekly attendance under pain of mortal sin. Recently, Bishop John D'Arcy made regular Mass attendance a prerequisite for couples preparing for marriage (D'Arcy, 1998 p. 280) and, though this is a vital step in the formation process, it will be fully effective only when the sacrificial aspect of the Mass is emphasized, since a main cause for marriage breakdown is that our culture so promotes self-centeredness that the concept of self-sacrifice has been all but lost (Carter, 1998). If we believe that marriage is a sacrament, a mystical union between two people, filled with deep personal meaning, it requires dying to oneself (Gallagher, New York Post, October 5, 1998). To this end, the graces and story of the Mass are ideal for marriage policy formation.

Because Catholicism envisions an anthropic world designed for humans called to an engraced existence, the natural state of marriage and its design for holiness make the teaching of Paul VI in Humanae Vitae (1968) endemic to Catholics' married life. Thus, Humanae Vitae should permeate all catechetical efforts from pre-school to marriage preparation. If sacramental marriage is properly lived, taught and preached, fertility and the children it can provide will be seen as a gift, not as the burden or disease it is thought to be today. The natural method of spacing births will never seem odd, but rather it will be assumed from the formation that has preceded from parents, Church and school. Not to live and tell this story makes all other preparations just short of a waste of time. Priests and couples who do not hold to the teaching of the encyclical effectively diminish the success of those they prepare for marriage. The enunciation of marriage as a sacrament implies living it in a manner consistent with the virtues of self-discipline, responsibility, friendship, perseverance, loyalty and faith. The encyclical provides the theological anthropology and practical application for this daily virtuous living. It encapsulates a Christian worldview that teaches the Christian story of love, creation and how we are to participate in God's plan (Chaput, 1998).

One of the greatest sources of ambiguity on the Church's teaching on marriage is the current annulment process in the United States, which has 6% of the world's Catholic population and grants 78% of the universal Church's annulments. The mixed message that it sends erodes the traditional teaching that marriage is a permanent institution. It also undermines the family. In What God has Joined Together (1998), Robert Vasoli views the plethora of annulments granted in America as hypocritical. He points to three root causes making the United States the annulment capital of the Catholic world: l) a reliance on the nebulous concept of "the spirit of Vatican II," which enables theologians and canonists to see what is not in the Council documents; 2) a pastoral sense which focuses on healing, often at the expense of truth, i.e., the indissolubility of marriage; and 3) an insidious theology which posits the right to a "community of life" as being essential for sacramental validity. This concept, while enunciated as an ideal to be strived for by Vatican II, is nowhere enunciated in the new code or the Catechism. With these points in mind any marriage in America, he rightly contends, can be annulled. Any kind of unhappiness, lack or imperfection which the tribunal can use against a background of this questionable theology and the ever-changing vagaries of the "junk science" used for psychological assessment will make, according to Vasoli, any marriage suspect. This final point needs to be highlighted since it is indicative of a broader trend whereby the authority of parents. Church, and lawgivers has been surrendered to psychologizers who have carried many behaviors, once interpreted through a religious frame of reference, to be viewed in terms of health. "The role of the new priest, as such, depends in part on the redefinition of human behaviors in pathological rather than moralistic categories," (Nolan, 1998, p. 8). This cultural canard effectively diminished the categories of sin, responsibility, right and wrong and religious belief in general. A serious re-evaluation of annulment policy is vitally important if we are serious about our sacramental beliefs. A first step must begin with an examination of the training received by Judicial Vicars and tribunal personnel.

Finally, Catholics should be encouraged to marry each other. In a recent study, James D. Davidson (1998) found that Catholics with interfaith marriages are more likely to experience marital discord and divorce. They are, according to Davidson, less likely to accept traditional beliefs (such as the Nicene Creed), agree with the Church's sexual and reproductive norms, and comply with the Church's social teaching. They are less likely to agree with canon law on matters such as the need to attend Mass and to limit ordination to celibate males. This being the case, bishops and pastors should encourage "same-faith" marriages as contributing to marital stability, commitment to the Church, and one's chances of passing on the faith to one's children (p. 12).

The fragile environment of an interfaith marriage changes the perception of the Catholic, weakening their resolve and often distorting the story that should frame their actions. At the moment, 30% of marriages recognized by the Church fall into this category.

This essay was motivated by the bishops of the state of New Jersey who have requested a meeting with Family Life Directors and others to review Common Policy programs for the Pastoral Ministry of Marriage Preparation. Their concerns were centered on Pre-Cana, Engaged Encounter, time with a mentor couple or parish priest. However, in this author's opinion, these programs, which may have worked for previous generations, quite frankly, are now inadequate and will continue to be ineffective' without a strong foundation set from childhood. If we are serious about saving Catholic marriage, a radical turnabout from the pastoral practice of the last 30 years which offers too little, too late must be addressed first.

The first steps of reform should be:

1) A catechesis on marriage should be mandated from the pulpit.

2) All marriage preparation must have as their foundation Humanae Vitae (Paul VI, 1968) and The Theology of the Body (John Paul II, 1997).

3) Because of this foundation, bishops must mandate that all priests who moderate marriage preparation programs embrace Humanae Vitae and be able to articulate why it is central to marriage.

4) Also because of this foundation, bishops must mandate that all couples involved with diocesan or parish marriage preparation must be living Humanae Vitae precepts or endorse it as central to the couples' understanding of marriage.

5) Therefore, Natural Family Planning must be articulated as the only acceptable method of spacing births and it must be central to all marriage preparation programs as the living out of the marriage covenant.

6) The primary focus of marriage preparation programs must be sacramental. Psychological and sociological components must be peripheral.

7) Because of the sacramental nature of Catholic-Christian marriage, all marriage preparation programs must articulate that the outward sign of marriage is the marital act and it is the marital act which is the conduit of grace.

8) Along with sacrament and covenant, all marriage preparation programs must present marriage as a vocation.

9) This is accomplished by instituting remote and proximate marriage preparation as per The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality.

10) Marriage between Catholic parties should be encouraged as the acceptable norm,

11) Diocesan Tribunals should be examined and encouraged to better reflect the Catholic understanding of marriage as an unbreakable bond that should not be undermined.

If we implement these steps we can put a break on the continuing erosion of the institution of marriage and the damage that separation and divorce are causing our society and the Body of Christ. •

References

Amato, P.R. & Booth, A. (1997). A generation at risk: growing up in an era of family upheaval. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Carter, S.L. (1998). Civility: manners, morals, and the etiquette of democracy. NY: Basic Books.

Chaput, C. "Humanae Vitae: a misunderstood papal intervention." 1998. Origins, 28 (14) p. 248-251.

Davidson, J.D. (1998). "Interfaith marriage: location, location, location." Commonweal, CXXV (15), 12-13.

D'Arcy, J.M. (1998), "Cohabitation: before you say I do'." Origins, 28 (16) p. 279-281.

Frank, N. (1998, October 5). "Why are boomers so quick to shrug at the President?" The Philadelphia Inquirer. p. All.

Gallagher, M. (1998, October 5). "A double standard on privacy." New York Post. p. 23.

Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: why it can matter more than IQ. NY: Bantam Books.

Greeley, A.M. (1995) Religionas poetry. New Brunswick, NJ: Transaction Publishers.

John Paul II (1997). The theology of the body: human love in the divine plan. Boston, MA: Pauline Books and Media.

Kosmin, B.A. & Lachman (1993). One nation under God. NY: Harmony Books.

Nolan, J.L., Jr. (1998). The therapeutic state: justifying government at century's end. NY: New York University Press.

Reeves, T.C. (1996). The empty church: the suicide of liberal Christianity. NY: The Free Press.

Schank, R.C. (1990). Tell me a story: a new book of real and artificial memory. NY: Charles Scribner's Sons.

Vasoli, R.H. (1998). What God has joined: the annulment crisis in American Catholicism. NY: Oxford University Press.

Whitehead, B.D. (1997). The divorce culture. NY: Alfred A. Knopf.

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