A Valentine’s-Day challenge to young single Catholic men

By Phil Lawler ( bio - articles - email ) | Feb 14, 2025

Maybe it’s just coincidence that the Office of Readings for today—Valentine’s Day—includes a passage from St. Paul’s Letter to the Galatians.

How often these days does someone recommend that, if you’re feeling a bit down, you should make sure to take some “Me time?” How often do you see or hear a commercial message telling you that you “deserve” some special treat? Or an advertisement telling you to “indulge yourself?”

Romantic love, of the sort the world celebrates today, requires self-giving, self-sacrifice. But our society pounds us constantly with exhortations to self-indulgence—an attitude that bars the way to true love. On the other hand, the quest for self-indulgence opens the path to other things. St. Paul warned:

When self-indulgence is at work the results are obvious: fornication, gross indecency and sexual irresponsibility; idolatry and sorcery; feuds and wrangling, jealousy, bad temper and quarrels; disagreements, factions, envy; drunkenness, orgies and similar things.

Hmm. Watch television for an hour, or spend 20 minutes on the web, and you’re likely to see evidence of every item on St. Paul’s list. Yes, self-indulgence is at work in America today; can anyone doubt it.

And maybe it’s just coincidence that the Gospel read at today’s Mass tells the story of how Jesus cured the deaf mute, “And his ears were opened, and the ligament of his tongue was loosened and he spoke clearly.” (Mk 7:35) Because it was Valentine’s Day, I thought of the young men who, it seems, need a miracle to loosen their tongues so that they can pop the question.

It’s an epidemic, isn’t it? We are surrounded by young men who are slowly growing old, still bachelors, occasionally dating but never taking the initiative and making the commitment to turn casual dating into serious courtship. I recall the graduation speaker at a small Catholic college who ridiculed the fine young Catholic men who “spend their Saturday nights drinking beer and talking about social encyclicals.”

Look, there’s nothing wrong with reading social encyclicals; on the contrary. But if you find yourself regularly taking part in those Saturday-night sessions, ask yourself what you’re gaining from them. If you’ve actually read and digested those encyclicals, you should realize that something is missing. Is another night out with the guys really an intellectual exercise, or is it an exercise in self-indulgence? If you find yourself alone (again?) this Valentine’s Day, make a resolution that you won’t be next year—and a plan to reach that goal.

Your Dream Girl probably isn’t going to walk up and introduce herself, you know. You’re going to have to find her. That might involve meeting a lot of young women, getting to know them a bit, before you finally find the one who’s right for you. Or maybe you already know her, but you’re stuck in the “friend zone” and don’t know how to take the next step. Well, take a deep breath, square your shoulders, and be a man. Read today’s Gospel. Ephphatha!