the sales pitch

By Diogenes ( articles ) | Mar 13, 2009

 Teresa Kettelkamp, the child-protection czar of the US bishops' conference, is happy with the results of the latest annual report on the diocesan programs she oversees. The Catholic Church, she proudly announces, is now "one of the safest havens in our world for children and young people." 

It's nice to know that it's safe for the kids to go to church again. But that's not all. Kettelkamp believes that the programs devised by the American hierarchy could be "a resource for people beyond the Catholic Church who seek to confront this societal scourge." 

Right. Maybe the bishops should market their program. 

Can't you see it now? A city of Dystopia is afflicted with an epidemic of child abuse. The mayor gives his bright young aide the task of finding a program that will confront the societal scourge. After a bit of research the aide reports that he's found the ideal program. Yes, indeed, he tells the mayor; it's the program endorsed by the American Catholic bishops! 

Ten minutes later the mayor finally catches his breath, wipes his eyes, gets up off the floor, and tells the aide to start looking for a new job.