The Pedagogy of Forgiveness

By Fr. Jerry Pokorsky ( bio - articles - email ) | Feb 24, 2025

The driving theme of The Godfather movie is summed up in the line: “Tell Mike it [Sonny’s betrayal] was only business.” But in matters of injustice, everything is personal, provoking acts of retribution. Most of us favor receiving forgiveness, but granting forgiveness, after suffering a personal offense or insult, is—like courage—far more enigmatic.

We see God’s mercy and forgiveness throughout the Scriptures. Cain murders Abel out of envy, and God catches him in the act. God punishes him by sending him to wander, but He spares him. He places the “mark of Cain” on him to warn others not to mess with his life.

God destroys the world for its wickedness with the great flood but saves Noah and his family. As the flood subsides and nature returns to normal, God places a rainbow in the sky as a covenant of His everlasting love. The Israelites rebel during the Exodus, and God’s wrath flares. Moses intercedes on their behalf, and God relents. In the Gospels, Jesus courageously stood up to the arrogance of the elites and indicted them with the words of His precursor, John the Baptist: “You brood of vipers!” As the Son of God, He had many opportunities to wreak God’s vengeance on His enemies. He didn’t. He forgave sinners. Before Pilate, He explains, “My kingship is not of this world; if my kingship were of this world, my servants would fight, that I might not be handed over to the Jews; but my kingship is not from the world.” (Jn. 18:36)

Jesus was on a mission of mercy. “God sent the Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.” (Jn. 3:17) Jesus forgives. In torment on the Cross, He said: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Lk. 23:24)

The Scriptural examples of man’s capacity to forgive are few in comparison. Esau forgives Jacob for stealing his birthright in one of the most touching passages in the Bible. In another beautiful passage, the envious brothers of Joseph toss him into a well. He survives, becomes prominent in Egypt, and cares for his brothers, escaping a famine in Israel. Forgiveness does not deny injustice. Mercy refuses to exact retribution for violations of justice.

During Saul’s search-and-destroy mission, David could have killed Saul as he slept. He refused. “Do not harm him, for who can lay hands on the Lord’s anointed and remain unpunished?” (1 Sam. 26) Duty often motivates mercy.

In the Parable of the Prodigal Son, the father joyfully receives his repentant son back, although his son’s repentance is somewhat self-serving. Acts of mercy heal family wounds.

At root, forgiveness means remitting some or all of the terms of justice. When we “forgive a debt,” it does not deny the justice of the debt. The forgiveness mercifully reduces the amount owed. When authorities commute prison time, it usually does not suggest a felon did not owe more time in prison. The commutation relaxes the full force of just punishment. God mercifully forgives sins in Confession when we repent. As the priest absolves our guilt, the absolution also cancels some or all of the application of just punishment.

Forgiveness does not require us to check our wariness at the door. God gives us the right to justice, a good reputation, and self-defense. We have a right to punish a naughty child, arrest a criminal, or use lethal force against an aggressor. The Church’s just-war tradition remains valid—providing moral guidelines to govern both going to war and the lethal actions that may be taken in battle. We rightly honor the courage of soldiers. We rightly condemn brutality.

It was customary for the ancients (and, alas, contemporaries) to obliterate enemies with acts of disproportionate violence. The Old Testament “eye for an eye” teaching was a step forward in mercy. Jesus continues the pedagogy of forgiveness. “You have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. But I say to you not to resist evil: but if one strike thee on thy right cheek, turn to him also the other.” (Mt. 5:38-39)

Forgiveness begins with patience and longsuffering. Mercy reduces or entirely remits just punishment and responds with compassion, kindness, and goodwill, refusing to hold a grudge. The passage of time helps extinguish burning hatred. The legendary soldier Hal Moore (We Are Soldiers Still) led American troops in the Battle of Ia Drang during the Vietnam War. After the war, Moore returned to the scene and met with former enemies. Colonel Thuoc tapped him on the chest and told him through the interpreter: “You have the heart of a soldier. It is just like mine. I am glad I did not kill you.”

The rigors of Christian love purify our motivations for forgiveness. Justice gives mercy its meaning. So we must love justice and call evil by its name. We desire communion—the original unity of man and woman in Genesis. We seek peace and mutual progress in our families—and among the family of nations. God created us in His image. So with Christian generosity, we struggle to cultivate Christ-like affection and love for our enemies.

In the 17th century, St. Isaac Jogues accompanied the French to proclaim the Gospel to the Iroquois. After the Indians captured him, they tortured him. He ran the gauntlet, and they gnawed off his fingers. Eventually he escaped and returned to France. He had every reason to retire and write his memoirs. He didn’t. Motivated by his love of the Gospel and the Indians needing salvation, he petitioned his superiors to return to the New World (New France). He died from a tomahawk blow to his head. The holy martyrs forever witness God’s love and the mercy of Jesus on the Cross.

If forgiving those who trespass against us was easy, we wouldn’t need the command: “Love your enemies, and do good… and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High.” (Lk. 6:35)