now starting at shortstop,...

By Diogenes (articles ) | Jul 21, 2008

CWN editor Phil Lawler informs me that he has fulfilled a boyhood ambition, and is now the starting shortstop for the Boston Red Sox.

Unfortunately there are complications.

Major League Baseball has not yet approved Phil's contract. In fact the Boston Red Sox have not offered him a contract. This, Phil tells me, illustrates the power of ancient prejudices (against middle-aged men who can no longer hit Little League fastballs). Nevertheless Phil persists, confident that history will vindicate his claim.

Until justice triumphs, Phil is playing with the "real" Red Sox, who use a Wiffleball. He tells me that the team is a good mix of younger players (10-13) and "veterans" who can be identified by their beer bellies and bifocals. Phil has written to the New York Yankees, suggesting that they play their coming weekend series at the new field in his backyard. So far the Yankees haven't responded. Odd.

In other news, three women haveproclaimed themselves Catholic priests, after a Sunday ceremony at a Protestant church in Boston. CWN did not cover the event, because the editor was busy: a day-night doubleheader against the Detroit Tigers.

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  • Posted by: - Jul. 22, 2008 5:17 PM ET USA

    Anyone ever notice that those womyn who demand to become priests are always defending their positions on the idea of attaining power, rather than being in service, which all those really ordained are called to do. Never seem to hear that service part, especially since you don't have to wear a white collar to serve the Church. One more thing: I wonder how much Phil's rookie card will go for in 25 years?

  • Posted by: - Jul. 22, 2008 12:50 PM ET USA

    I am totally behind Phil. So is Aquinas (I asked him). I found no statement from the CDF, the councils, or any of the Church fathers prohibiting Phil from proclaiming his new-found status. The Society of Pius X objected, but they always do anyway. The color Red is in keeping with Phil's status as a martyr to unfair limitations on his Creator-given (notice the gender-neutral language) as a loyal fan. What shall we call this new movement? How about "LawlerSox"?

  • Posted by: - Jul. 22, 2008 12:15 AM ET USA

    What's even more shocking than the hubris of these women is their complete and utter stupidity. By their reasoning, if some Bishop performs an illicit ordination upon a carrot, we are obliged to bow, kiss the carrot's ring and call it "Your Excellency."

  • Posted by: - Jul. 21, 2008 11:09 PM ET USA

    When I was young I had some female cousins who used to dress up as priests and play church...they grew out of it. I think the most recently ordained (not!) led a deprived (or is that depraved) childhood.

  • Posted by: - Jul. 21, 2008 10:32 PM ET USA

    "The women did not pledge obedience..." "We are not intimidated. We feel so strongly." "Son though he was, he learned obedience through what he suffered and when he was made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him." (Heb 5) I wonder what Jesus "feels" about obedience.

  • Posted by: - Jul. 21, 2008 9:24 PM ET USA

    Don't sell Phil or his dreams short. The promise is still there. Heck, I'm over 50, am 50 lbs. overweight and eat a box of jelly donuts for breakfast every day, but it has not stopped me from attaining my goal of becoming a professional water polo star. (Though I'm still working on the problem of keeping the horse from drowning.)

  • Posted by: - Jul. 21, 2008 7:53 PM ET USA

    I like the old formulation for determining what the Church believes--it's what she has believed everywhere, by everyone, at every time. Catchy, what?

  • Posted by: - Jul. 21, 2008 4:36 PM ET USA

    Mr. Lawler is most definitely a red Sox player. I hear that he was seen at the very same stadium where the Red Sox play and he was even wearing a jersey that looked just like that of the other paid players. I, for one, cannot wait to put some money down with the local bookie because I hear the odds against Mr. Lawler are astronomical and, well, I just have faith he’ll do well!

  • Posted by: - Jul. 21, 2008 2:37 PM ET USA

    One wonders, if such people don't agree with the rules of the Catholic Church, why do they still want to call themselves Catholic?

  • Posted by: - Jul. 21, 2008 11:37 AM ET USA

    These ladies may have perfectly legitimate reasons for being ordained faux Catholic priests (sic) in a Protestant church by undoubtedly an agnostic bishop. Like the man in Lake Bluff, Illinois who got an online ordination, maybe they just want to lower their property taxes while having friends over for a special communal wine and cheese liturgy for elderly womyn only.

  • Posted by: - Jul. 21, 2008 11:24 AM ET USA

    I am reminded of a Chesterton quote that is as true today as it has haver been: "That Jones shall worship the god within him turns out ultimately to mean that Jones shall worship Jones." In our society, religion for many is just a projection of their own will rather than the pursuit of objective Truth.

  • Posted by: - Jul. 21, 2008 10:27 AM ET USA

    Religion is one of the few areas in life where one is permitted the license of complete self-labeling. It's odd, but it's consistent with secular society's view that religion is entirely subjective, a sheer matter of taste without any objective grounding whatsoever. This also explains why the viewpoint of Joe Bagadonuts on the street in religious matters is considered as good as a man who has spent his entire life in God's service (the Pope).

  • Posted by: - Jul. 21, 2008 10:05 AM ET USA

    If the media REALLY wanted to generate some publicity for themselves they should write something like "3 women fraudulently proclaim themselves Catholic priests via a bogus ceremony conducted at a Protestant church." It reminds me of playing Superman as a child. I eventually grew up though & cast aside my fantasy role playing to get on with reality. It's like 30-50 YOlds playing Dungeons & Dragons w/friends in their spare time. It's so ridiculous & pitiful to see adults behaving like this.