Don't ask, don't tell: a subtle seminary entrance test

By Diogenes (articles ) | Dec 22, 2005

1) What is your current occupation?

  • construction worker
  • computer programmer
  • dance instructor

2) Would you like something to drink?

  • a cold can of beer would be nice
  • Scotch, thanks, with just a splash.
  • Chardonnay, but only if it's chilled. Or do you have any herbal tea?

3) In high school, what was your main extracurricular activity?

  • football team
  • school newspaper/student government
  • drama club

4) When your friends come over for dinner, what do you like to serve?

  • Steak. You want vegetables? Don't worry; the cow ate some.
  • Burgers on the grills, probably. The wives and girlfriends will bring salads, so we'll be OK.
  • Quiche

5) If you could choose any car for your own use, what would your prefer?

  • a 4-by-4 pickup truck
  • whatever; as long as it's comfortable and gets good mileage
  • a sporty red convertible

6) If you are not admitted to the seminary, what career path are you most likely to choose:

  • the US Marines
  • investment banking
  • fashion design

7) If you had the time to get out of the city, and spend a few weeks in the countryside, what do you think you would enjoy the most?

  • hunting
  • the quiet, the fresh air, the clear skies at night
  • the antique shops

8) An old friend calls, to ask if you have a couple of hours this weekend to help him do a valve job on his old Jeep. What do you say?

  • Sure! Should I bring my spring compressor?
  • OK, I suppose. If you can tell me what to do…
  • What's a valve job?

9) Imagine that you can take a half-dozen of your old friends on a week-long vacation, with all expenses paid. Which would you choose:

  • Camp out at an untouched trout stream. Eat what you catch. Play poker at night. Remember to take a shower as soon as you get home.
  • Fly to Scotland. Play 18 holes on a different golf course every day.
  • Book a nice hotel in New York. Catch a different Broadway show every night.

10) At a friend's birthday party, you are introduced to a young woman who is, frankly, a bombshell. Beautiful curly red hair, a 50-megawatt smile, and a sensational figure. She's wearing a tight hot-pink dress with a slit up to here and a neckline plunging down to there, and she's delighted to meet you. What is your first reaction?

  • What do you think think my first reaction is? I'm human, you know.
  • I try to avoid her, without being impolite. Custody of the eyes, and all that. Stay away from trouble.
  • I love it; she's fabulous! I just wish she'd realize that pink is not her color. And those shoes definitely don't match the belt!

For extra credit:

11) What do you think of this test?

  • Worth a couple of laughs, I suppose.
  • Not sure. What are you getting at?
  • I am outraged! How dare you!

How to score your own test If you have to ask, you flunk.

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Show 17 Comments? (Hidden)Hide Comments
  • Posted by: Sterling - Dec. 28, 2005 11:26 PM ET USA

    Watch it, Di. People are stealing your quiz and passing it off as their own brainchild. Shame on them. Yes, imitation/flattery and all that, but still a pain, say what?

  • Posted by: Clorox - Dec. 28, 2005 7:11 PM ET USA

    Here are selected questions from the "Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory," by S.R. Hathaway and J.C. McKinley, Group Form Test Booklet (MMPI). Any stereotyping going on? 39. At times I feel like smashing things. 74. I have often wished I were a girl. 209. I believe my sins are unpardonable. 413. I deserve severe punishment for my sins. 476. I am a special agent of God. 538. I think I would like the work of a dress-maker. 87. I would like to be a florist.

  • Posted by: - Dec. 28, 2005 1:03 PM ET USA

    Hey Cantor Rich! Blonde? I do believe Diogenes described the sultry siren as having red hair. But don't worry or feel bad; I was really not concentrating on her hair color either. HAHA!

  • Posted by: Fr. William - Dec. 26, 2005 9:34 PM ET USA

    Great test, Diogenes. And, as for the negative blogs thus far: Diogenes is not giving stereotypes of homosexuals, for I have met men in the seminary who would easily have given the third answer to each question... they're not stereotypes, they're real, & rectors & bishops need to deal with this, as our Holy Father has recently stated quite clearly. Holy boldness, brothers, holy boldness...

  • Posted by: - Dec. 23, 2005 9:20 PM ET USA

    Vitae, Uncle Di is satirizing seminary rectors for their loathsome and treacherous duplicity. I've never seen a satire that can come close -- yet -- to capturing the Romanesque debauchery that went on at its worst. Sincerely, Miss Saigon

  • Posted by: - Dec. 23, 2005 8:51 PM ET USA

    Vitae has obviously not been in an American seminary in the past twenty years. Else s/he would have realized how omnipresent Broadway shows, chardonnary and hot pink dresses on seminarians have been.

  • Posted by: - Dec. 23, 2005 7:42 PM ET USA

    What purpose does a post like this serve? It's one thing to discuss the issue of homosexuality, but openly to mock homosexuals using not-so-subtle stereotypes seems uncharitable, at best. I would have thought you and your oft-praised intellect to be above these cheap shots; my mistake, I guess.

  • Posted by: - Dec. 23, 2005 5:26 PM ET USA

    Perhaps a better question would be: What would you rather be doing on New Years Eve? a). Spend an hour before the Blessed Sacrament, followed by an hour of meditative reading and early to bed; b). Spend the night on the town with the red-headed bombshell; c). Helping your best friends (Rudy and Gino) pick out the most flattering tuxedos for their springtime London wedding. I think I know who I want to be ordained, who I want for a neighbor, and who I want to be in London.

  • Posted by: - Dec. 23, 2005 1:38 PM ET USA

    Don't you have a Christmas tree to chop down or something?

  • Posted by: - Dec. 23, 2005 9:50 AM ET USA

    I'm outraged by the homophobic implications of your stereotypes, those were stereotypes, right? There are lots of gay men who like to fish and hunt and work on cars and were stars on their football team in high school. Also I'm equally offended that you do not realize that many hetero men enjoy ballroom dancing and men's figure skating, dream of being in fashion with all those wonderful frilly dresses, and how dare you suggest that hetero men do not like Broadway! Who doesn't love Broadway?

  • Posted by: - Dec. 23, 2005 9:39 AM ET USA

    You all really need help. Talk about not developing an affective maturity.

  • Posted by: Ignacio177 - Dec. 23, 2005 5:01 AM ET USA

    Those who scored consistantly in the A group - Lincoln Neb. Those who scored consistantly in the B group - Atlanta Those who scored consistantly in the C group - S.F.

  • Posted by: - Dec. 23, 2005 3:02 AM ET USA

    "...a subtle seminary entrance test..." About as subtle as a ball-peen hammer... Extra, extra credit - what's a ball-peen hammer?

  • Posted by: - Dec. 23, 2005 1:19 AM ET USA

    Where might I meet the blonde? Have you her number?

  • Posted by: - Dec. 22, 2005 10:09 PM ET USA

    Uncle Di, some words of advice... Next time, don't try and be so subtle. :D

  • Posted by: - Dec. 22, 2005 6:24 PM ET USA

    It is a far sight better then the psychological tests they gave my entrance class in the seminary!

  • Posted by: - Dec. 22, 2005 5:45 PM ET USA

    11) What do you think of this test? Is the gown by Versace?