a wholly imaginary cell-phone intercept

By Diogenes ( articles ) | May 09, 2004

[Client]: Hello. Hello? This is the archbishop. Hello? Who's speaking, please?

[N/A]: You wouldn't remember my name. We met back in '77. At Fire Island.

[Client]: You're mistaken. I've never been to Fire Island.

[N/A]: Oh yes you have. Remember that tall Irish bus-boy at Entre Nous? You came back to my beach house with Donal and me and a bottle of Tanquerey. In fact I still have some Polaroids of the occasion -- a little over-exposed, but then so was Donal. Hello ... You haven't gone to sleep on me, have you?

[Client]: What do you want from me?

[N/A]: Nothing whatever. I'm just aware that you'll be asked to make some statements in the next few weeks about who can and can't receive communion, and I wanted you to know that I respect the statesmanlike way you've handled yourself in the past, and that I'm confident you'll continue to earn my respect. My confidence is well placed, isn't it?

[Client]: I ... I'll do what I can.

[N/A]: We can't ask more than that, can we?