in partibus infidelium

By Diogenes ( articles ) | May 04, 2003

You know you're a Jadot bishop when ...

Your favorite liturgical color is yellow.

You dress MORE expensively than your secretary.

Your feel-good homilies are taken from Peanuts cartoons, your cerebral homilies are taken from M*A*S*H.

Your chancellor doesn't shave her legs, but your vicar general does.

You know the four warning signs of spousal abuse, but not the five joyful mysteries.

The only one who calls you "Excellency" is your parole officer.

Ray Repp sang at your 25th.

You have the exclusive-language Abbott edition of Vatican II with your friends' ordination cards as bookmarks, and the new Flannery edition bookmarked with the wedding invitations of the same men.

You sign letters with your first name to show that you're humble.

The difference between a feast and a solemnity is that there are balloons at the latter.

You listen to feminists with your chin nestled in your hand, leaning forward.

You hear out pro-lifers while gazing at the ceiling tiles at the far end of the room.

You framed the cover of the issue when you "cracked" Commonweal.

You've never made a retreat that wasn't a growth-filled experience.