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The Self-Made Man Who Adores His Creator

By Diogenes (articles ) | Feb 01, 2004

Bishop Pat Buckley is an Irish businessman with a vision. Once a Catholic priest, he saw the light in 1986 and renounced papistry, bought himself a high-class bishopric, and wrote his own creed -- from which it's clear that Bishop Pat Buckley worships a God made in the image and likeness of ... well, Bishop Pat Buckley.

Now I know what you're thinking -- Bishop Pat is one of those free-wheeling "anything goes" ministers -- but you're wrong. True, he's willing to marry absolutely anyone with £250 or a MasterCard, but his ecclesiastical garb is correct by the most fastidious Vatican standards, and he's so far from being a libertine that he's composed his own Ten Commandments for Gays & Lesbians. A sampling:

  • Thou shalt not be controlled by jealousy or envy. Thou shalt not come between a couple.
  • Thou shalt be honest in all your dealings. Never make a date and stand someone up.
  • Thou shalt keep every day holy by being spiritual and being kind to others.

Nice work, Your Grace. In the same spirit, here are a few more lavender leviticisms, courtesy of Catholic World News:

  • Honor thy gamete donors.
  • Thy infinitive thou shalt not split, neither thou nor thy manservant nor thy maidservant nor Raúl who comes on Tuesdays to clean the pool.
  • Thou shalt not wear unbleached linen before Memorial Day. It is an abomination unto me.
  • If thou hast two protease inhibitors and the stranger in thy midst hath none, thou shalt swallow the both of them thyself and write to the Times deploring the heartlessness of the Reagan Administration.
  • Sorry. The Reagan-Bush Administration. I am the LORD.

Since Cut-Your-Own Covenant is a game anybody can play, feel free to add your own laws, statutes, ordinances, and commandments, as the promptings of your deuteronomisticism shall move you.

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  • Posted by: shrink - Feb. 01, 2004 2:57 PM ET USA

    In the interest of preserving an air of orthdoxy, refer to the Rossetti Didache "Let those who suggest that gays are given to pederasty, be branded as hunters of witches. Anathema sit!" Yet the good bishop has the temerity to flirt at once with heresy and irrelevance in his fifth commandment: "In my kingdom human flesh is not "meat" and young people are not chickens." That part of the commandment which proscribes "…and gays shalt not liken themselves unto 'hawks' …" was lost in translation.

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