This Contract is Different

by Rev. Paul V. Harrington, J.C.L.

A contract is familiarly and briefly defined as a mutual agreement between two or more persons regarding some specific and determined object. By reason of the particular purpose involved, there are various types of contracts; some involve merely the private interests of the individuals concerned, while others are in the public interest, serving the common good.

Every contract imposes on the contractants definite obligations and duties, which are set forth in the conditions and stipulations previously agreed upon. Whatever these might be in particular, they are always dictated by the purpose and nature of the contract and to each of these is added the further responsibility of fulfilling the specific duties conscientiously and faithfully.

These obligations, once freely assumed, are of paramount importance and take precedence over the personal wishes and desires of the individual. A subsequent change of heart or lack of interest by one party can never bring about the cancellation of the original contract. The encountering of difficulties, even previously unforeseen, or the discovering that the duties have become onerous or distasteful cannot relieve the party of his obligations nor absolve him from their fulfillment.

The responsibilities deriving from a grave contract bind seriously the consciences of the parties, and any neglect or delinquency in discharging them will involve serious sin, since someone's rights will have been violated and a moral injury will have been sustained.

Our entire culture and heritage have been built on a sense of responsibility. What we have in this great country of ours and what advantages we enjoy are possible precisely because our forebears and ancestors fully realized the great obligation which was theirs to found a country in freedom and rule it under God; to establish business and commerce; to develop communities; to encourage technological advancement; to institute a strong system of education; to recognize religion; to provide for the professions, the arts and the crafts — in short to establish a strong, sturdy foundation upon which, we, a later generation, could build. The secret of their success was a recognition of their basic and fundamental obligations and a consequent consecration and devoted dedication to a noble cause and ideal in which they firmly believed.

This same sense of responsibility and devotion to duty, this same spirit of determination and self-sacrifice must characterize those who plan on marrying or who are now living in marriage, if the purpose of marriage is ever to be achieved and if the stability of marriage is to be maintained.

Cult of Self Replaces Responsibleness

In direct contradiction to this and as an antithesis, there has grown up a philosophy which discounts duty and obligation and fosters a cult of self. This philosophy is pagan, materialistic, hedonistic; it is against law, authority, and obligation; it considers the paramount importance of self-interest. It dictates that a person has no obligations except those which he wants to fulfill. It discourages sacrifice, promotes that which is to the liking of the person, and fosters the selfish interests of the individual.

The ordinary person, in the course of his lifetime, will enter innumerable contracts and bind himself by multitudinous duties and obligations. Every purchase or sale is a contract, which imposes definite obligations by reason of the stipulations and terms. Most contracts entered into by people are of a purely private nature; they seek only the private good and interest of the parties. The individuals themselves set forth the conditions and determine the mutual obligations which bind seriously once they have been assumed.

Contracts Serving the Common Good

On the other hand, there are more important contracts which are of a public nature and which are intended to serve the common good. These are more important, precisely because they affect more people and are concerned with more vital matters. In the case of such contracts, the individuals concerned have no part in stipulating the terms and conditions or of determining the responsibilities and duties. These are set forth by some authority which has jurisdiction over the matter and which is completely independent of and separate from the parties. The individual cannot change or alter these, because they affect the very purpose and goal of the contract itself.

This type of contract usually involves, not the sale or purchase of something, but rather the contribution of some service or the dedication to some cause and usually is found in reference to vocations, business and professions. This would be true in regard to the medical, legal, nursing, banking professions; it would be true also in regard to any contract of hire between an employer and an employee. Those having charge over the profession or business will set down the standards, specify the obligations and determine the duties. An interested candidate cannot change these; he must accept them if he wishes to be admitted. He has a choice of applying or of not applying, but if he elects to seek entrance, then he must assume the duties and responsibilities already set forth and devote himself without reserve to their fulfillment.

The medical profession will afford us a good example of what is meant. This noble calling has been in existence for thousands of years in one form or another. It has always been dedicated to the exalted goal of helping the sick and seeking a remedy for human ills. This great purpose demands that a candidate be thoroughly schooled in the various sciences, that he meet rigid requirements, that he dedicate his whole life and energy to the sick, that he be available to minister to their needs, that he be a person of sympathetic understanding and compassion. A candidate must realize all of this before he applies and if he is accepted, he is expected to serve these great ideals at whatever cost to him in time, energy, work or personal sacrifice.

He cannot shirk his obligations or refuse to fulfill his responsibilities. The reason is that the profession itself expects it, the glorious traditions of the profession insist on it and the common good and public interest demand it.

Along these same lines, marriage is a contract for it is an agreement between two persons, as manifested by their mutual consent and has as its specific object the very purpose of marriage. It is primarily concerned with the public interest, because it was founded to serve the common good.

God Establishes Marriage and Its Purpose

The inspired words of the Book of Genesis (Genesis 1:27-28) tells us that God Himself instituted marriage at the very beginning of the world in the Garden of Paradise when He joined together Adam and Eve and made them husband and wife. He established marriage to serve a very definite purpose which He had in mind — the procreation and education of children. One must keep in mind that, at this time, God had just created the world, the land, the sea, the firmament, the birds, the animals and finally human life. Having done this, He wished to form a permanent society or institution which would continue the process of creation, thereby bringing new life into the world. He also had a second motive which is subordinate to the first and not as important and that is that the husband and wife should be companions to one another and minister to each other's needs and desires. Under normal circumstances, this latter reason can never supplant the former and should never take precedence over it.

Since God established marriage, it is His privileged prerogative to set down its purpose, to describe its essential characteristics, to indicate who can enter it and finally to legislate in its behalf. No one else can usurp these prerogatives and attempt to change them, alter them in any way, choose to ignore them or act as if they did not exist.

No individual can change the purpose of marriage to suit his own convenience or preference or alter the essential nature of marriage, because these have been established by God to attain a very definite end which could never be achieved if changes were allowed.

A person has the freedom of choice and liberty to decide whether or not he will marry and, if to marry, to choose his partner in marriage; but after these preliminary choices are made, he is subject to the divine decrees which have set forth the primary purpose and essential nature of marriage. He is not free to determine what will be the individual purpose of his marriage, the terms and conditions under which he will enter marriage or the manner in which he will live and conduct himself in marriage. These are matters over which he has no control.

Once a person has contracted marriage, he is expected to serve the purpose set down by God, to respect the nature of marriage and to obey the divine decrees and commands. These are not something which he is free to accept or reject; he is obliged towards them. The contracting of marriage imposes important and serious duties and responsibilities on the individuals towards God, towards society and towards each other. These must be assumed and fulfilled.

Prior to marriage, these responsibilities should be studied and properly understood. No person is justified in entering marriage unless he is willing to serve God's purposes and anxious to dedicate and consecrate his life to working towards the achievement of the glorious ideal which is marriage. There must be complete devotion to the cause of God and marriage, without any thought of self. Marriage is no place for an individual who thinks only of himself and his selfish interests and expects others to cater to his preferences, fancies and desires.

Marriage, in the normal course, will present difficulties and hardships to the individual; the road will not be easy. It will require the expending of great energy and work; it will demand great sacrifice. There will be many anxieties, worries and frustrations; there is bound to be disappointments and disillusionments. None of these, however, will release the contractants from their obligations or absolve them from the fulfillment of their responsibilities.

Vocational Duties Bind Seriously

These vocational duties bind seriously in conscience, and if there is any neglect or delinquency on the part of either or both parties in their fulfillment, a serious sin has been committed and a grave crime has been perpetrated. Unless a person, before and at the time of marriage, is willing to assume all of the obligations of the state, is anxious to dedicate his whole life to the achievement of God's purposes and is prepared to fulfill his responsibilities, with whatever inconvenience or at whatever personal sacrifice to himself, then he is not worthy of and should not even consider marriage. This lofty vocation is only for persons who are conscientious, reliable, trustworthy and responsible; for persons who are emotionally mature and stable and have learned by experience what it is to assume obligations and fulfill responsibilities. The state of marriage requires generosity, unselfishness, sacrifice and denial. As St. Paul so aptly said, "Let him who can take it, take it."

The first obligation in marriage is to work for the achievement of its primary purpose — the procreation and education of offspring. God instituted marriage for this very purpose that His creatures would cooperate with Him in the creation of new life and that the seed of life would be continued from generation to generation. Listen to His words spoken in command to Adam and Eve: "Increase and multiply, and fill the earth" (Genesis 1:28).

God expects that all persons who marry will cooperate with Him in this glorious privilege of begetting new life. It is His wish that every couple will have as many children as their circumstances will allow. The total number, in any given instance, will be determined by a prudent evaluation of finances, housing accommodations, the physical health and strength of the mother and the ability of both parties to rear the children in decent comfort.

Certain People Should Not Marry

By reason of the above, it is abundantly clear that certain persons should not marry: persons who do not have a love of children; persons who are selfish and consider their own private interests; persons who do not wish to work for others and are not prepared to sacrifice; persons who wish to be free of any responsibility; persons who are primarily interested in social recreation and would not wish any interference.

There is no place in marriage for persons who say "I will never have any children"; "I will have only one or two children"; "I don't want any children for several years." Such individuals are only thinking of themselves; they completely ignore God and His plans. They do not have the generous, unselfish spirit which is so necessary in order for a person to completely consecrate and dedicate himself to serve God's purposes and His alone in marriage. They are not prepared to accept the obligations of marriage and certainly have no intention of fulfilling them. In good conscience, they must either make every effort to change or they should not marry, lest, in failing to fulfill the serious duties of the married state, they might suffer the eternal loss of their immortal souls.

Further, in order to prevent the conception of children, these people will usually have to resort to the commission of very serious sins. Their alternatives must be some form of birth control contraception, abortion or sterilization — all of which are morally sinful. Employing contraceptive practices is a continuous thing and each offense is mortally sinful. Where there is no change of attitude and no firm purpose of amendment, the parties would lack the true spiritual dispositions for the Sacrament of Penance and would have to be refused absolution. Abortion carries with it the penalty of excommunication, thus severing the ties of communion between the Catholic party and her Spiritual Mother, The Church.

In addition, refusal to have children might also involve the denial to one's spouse of his or her marital rights and privileges. The very contract of marriage grants to each participant the right to those acts "which of their nature tend towards the procreation of children," because this is the very substance of the marital agreement, the object of the marital consent. The right to these intimacies is received by both parties at the time of the marriage and a right, on the part of one person always involves a duty on the part of another person — the duty and obligation to see to it that the other is not defrauded of his right. This is one of the responsibilities of marriage which, once accepted, is outside of the pale of free choice of the individuals and must be honored and respected. Any attempt to defraud a marriage partner of his or her rights is a serious violation of the virtue of justice, which protects this right, and constitutes a serious sin. An attempt to defraud constitutes a serious breach of contract.

Marriage Must Fit God's Plans

From the above, it is clear that the contract of marriage has a primary purpose which refers directly to God, reflects His interest in every marriage and ultimately explains the very reason why God instituted marriage. This primary reason is of paramount importance and must be considered before all others. From this we must conclude that every person who marries must marry for God, to serve God's purposes and to achieve His ends and that no one should desecrate a sacred institution by marrying to cater to his own private and selfish desires or to promote his own personal objectives.

Those who marry undertake serious duties and obligations, the fulfillment of which must take precedence over all other considerations. Added to these is the further responsibility to fulfill them and no mere dislike of these will ever absolve an individual from fulfilling them. God's purpose cannot be realized without the cooperation of His creatures; His efforts to achieve a great goal will be thwarted unless He receives assistance from those who marry.

The secondary purpose of marriage, as previously described, is the companionship and the mutual assistance which the spouses can give to each other and the mutual ministration to each other's needs. As can be readily seen, this obligation has direct reference to the parties themselves — the duty of one partner to the other.

A Successful Marriage is Based on Lasting Love

The happiness and success of any marriage depends upon its firm basis in true love, which is not something merely physical, sentimental or emotional but something more stable and durable. Ultimately, the love upon which any marriage is to be founded must be a sincere and lasting desire to help, assist and serve the beloved and to do all those things which will bring him happiness. Thus, a person should not marry only to receive something but also to give something — to give of himself, in total dedication, to give of his talents, abilities and energies that his spouse might be made happy.

Selfishness, the direct opposite and antithesis of true love, is the reason why so many marriages have failed today, why so many separations exist, why so many divorces have been obtained. Too many people have been considering only themselves and what they want and have lost sight of their duty to work for God and the happiness of their spouse. This has resulted, not only in agonized consciences, but in the violation of rights which causes resentment and ultimately disagreement, discord and general unhappiness.

Marriage is intended to serve the needs of a spouse, to complement his nature, to fill out her personality, to develop each other's talents. True love is expected to encourage his best efforts; to give hope in the face of failure, praise in the hour of victory, sympathy in time of sorrow, help in time of need, consolation in time of distress; to give loyalty, fidelity, understanding and consideration at all times. In true love, there can only be one concern and that is the happiness of the one loved.

Although it is certainly advised and counseled that true love be the basis of every marriage, Christ has made it a command: "Husbands love your wives as Christ has loved the Church." By reason of these words, it is no longer a matter of choice but a serious obligation and duty for spouses to love each other in the glorious tradition of the love which Christ has always manifested for His Spouse, the Church. No one should ever consider marriage unless he sincerely loves his future spouse and is willing and eager to make sacrifices and is anxious to place her best interests before his own. This is a duty and obligation of marriage and must be fulfilled if the secondary purpose of marriage is to be realized.

True love demands that an individual, before marriage, purge himself of all major faults, serious failings, sinful habits and defects of character, disposition and temperament which would make common life difficult or impossible. This implies the absolute necessity of being properly matured and of having set aside the thinking, attitudes and the conduct of a child. To marry and assume and fulfill the obligations of marriage is not a game for children to play at but requires the fully developed maturity and responsibility of an adult.

True love requires spouses to know each other intimately and thoroughly, being sensitive to each other's needs and wants, understanding of each other's moods, tolerant of each other's failings, patient at each other's mistakes. It insists on good will and sincerity at all times and demands a conscientious effort to fulfill all marital obligations, with the added injunction of setting aside any and all distractions, which might make this impossible. It requires that at all times a person be reasonable and fit to live with, thus obligating an individual to change any of his habits or those aspects of his conduct or deportment which are found to be incompatible.

No Christian Can Live for Himself

All of the above indicates that, in marriage, no person can ever live for himself or in accordance with his own preferred customs; he must always conduct himself in a manner suitable and acceptable to his spouse. All of this will require constant attention, hard work, frequent sacrifices and daily denial of one's own wishes, which should be made cheerfully and out of love. The exhortation before a marriage states so beautifully and succinctly:

And because these words involve such solemn obligations, it is most fitting that you rest the security of your wedded life upon the great principle of self-sacrifice. And so you begin your married life by the voluntary and complete surrender of your individual lives in the interest of that deeper and wider life which you are to have in common. Henceforth you belong entirely to each other; you will be one in mind, one in heart and one in affections. And whatever sacrifices you may hereafter be required to make to preserve this common life, always make them generously. Sacrifice is usually difficult and irksome. Only love can make it easy; and perfect love can make it a joy. We are willing to give in proportion as we love. And when love is perfect, the sacrifice is complete. God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son; and the Son so loved us that He gave Himself for our salvation. 'Greater love than this no man hath, that a man lay down his life for his friends.' No greater blessing can come to your married life than pure conjugal love, loyal and true to the end. May, then, this love with which you join your hands and hearts today never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on. And if true love and the unselfish spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to man in this vale of tears. [The Roman Ritual]

This paragraph, without doubt, emphasizes the nature and seriousness of the marital obligations, the responsibility to fulfill them, the necessity of sacrifice and the requirement of love. Unless there is true love which will allow generous sacrifices, it will be impossible for a spouse to realize that happiness, security, peace, contentment which he has the right to expect.

God Insists that Marriage be Permanent

In addition to the purpose of marriage, due consideration and attention must be given to the essential nature and characteristics of the marriage contract. As previously stated, this can only be established by God Himself who instituted marriage. And He has definitely decreed that marriage be a permanent and exclusive, life-time union between one man and one woman, enduring until death. Only if a marriage is stable and durable can the important primary purpose of marriage be realized. The education of children requires an indissoluble permanence and that is why God made this note an essential characteristic of marriage; it was not a mere arbitrary choice.

Since the very nature of marriage requires permanence and the divine decrees insist on indissolubility, these become a strict obligation on the part of the contractants. This serious responsibility is clearly set forth in the nuptial ceremony and should be clearly understood by all. If a person has the proper intention in entering marriage — of doing what God wants and of working to realize His purposes — then it will not be difficult to understand the reason for requiring permanence, and it will not be hard for him to accept it. However, if a person is interested only in serving his own personal interests and in fulfilling his own selfish desires and marries with this intention and attitude — he will not be much interested in absolute permanency but will only want to stay married as long as it suits his convenience.

There are certainly an increasing number of persons who enter marriage today with the notion — maybe not clearly expressed but nevertheless in the back of their minds — of dissolving their marriage when it ceases to serve their purpose, when the parties stop loving one another, when common life becomes difficult, when disappointments and frustrations are experienced, when the burdens of marriage become too onerous. To these people, marriage is a transitory experience to be entered as often as one feels the need or the desire; to them there is nothing sacred or holy about marriage; there is no specific purpose nor are there definite obligations in marriage. This attitude, however prevalent, is completely contradictory to God's commands, the Church's constant teachings and recent Papal announcements.

Not only does the purpose and nature of the marital contract demand permanence, but the very success and happiness of any given marriage requires it. It is only because Christian marriage is indissoluble that an individual would be willing to give himself in complete dedication to it, to assume the obligations of marriage and endure all of the sacrifices necessary to fulfill them. If a person were aware that a given marriage was only temporary or suspected that it could be dissolved at any moment, he would be wary about committing himself too deeply; and without a total dedication, no marriage could be successful and happy.

Further, if marriage were only a transitory experience, there would be no motivation at the time of an argument, disagreement or trouble for the parties to solve their difficulties and become reconciled. Reconciliation, in a spirit of true forgiveness is often only possible because individuals know that marriage is for life, until death, permanent and indissoluble.

All persons who marry or seriously contemplate marriage should hearken to the stern and unqualified command of God: "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." This places a strict obligation on every married person to protect the sanctity of his marriage, to work for its permanence and to contest vigorously any attempt to terminate or dissolve it.

Partners Have an Obligation to Common Life

In addition to the obligation of respecting the permanent, indissoluble nature of marriage is the responsibility of both partners to cohabit in common life. Canon 1128 of the Code of Canon Law states without qualification that married partners are bound to live together unless a just cause should excuse them. It is definite and clear from this that the fact of cohabitation is independent of the mere will and preference of the parties and becomes a serious duty which binds them both in conscience.

Neither party has the right or privilege to decide that common life will be terminated, that he is finished with the marriage, has no further interest in it, and thereby is justified in packing his belongings and personal possessions and leaving. If there are grave difficulties existing, the guilty party, out of love and a recognition of a serious duty, should make every possible attempt to right the wrong. However, if this person refuses to amend his ways or is unsuccessful in correcting his habits, then the innocent party can present a petition to the proper diocesan authority and request permission to separate legitimately. Separation cannot be effected on one's own initiative except in the one extreme case where grave physical harm is seriously feared and continued cohabitation might likely result in assault. But even in this instance, a report of this action must be filed with the diocesan authority.

The Church recognizes that serious difficulties can arise and its laws have provisions for granting separations under intolerable and extreme conditions, both of a physical and spiritual nature. It is necessary for the judgment to be made in each individual case by an ecclesiastic, who can be at one and the same time, both objective and impartial. One of the parties would be too likely to exaggerate and magnify the situation out of proper proportion.

If the domestic situation would warrant, a separation on a temporary basis would be granted either for a specific or an indefinite period of time, depending upon the particular circumstances. Once the stated time has elapsed, the innocent party has the strict obligation to return to his spouse, provided the original difficulties have been resolved. In the case where permission for an indefinite period of separation has been given, the innocent party has the duty to resume common life once the situation has been righted or once the permission to live apart has been revoked by an authorized ecclesiastic. Thus, from this, it is evident that the innocent party can never assume the role of the injured partner and refuse to resume common life. There must always be love, charity and forgiveness towards one's spouse and the presence of these should expedite a reconciliation.

How consoling it can be in times of sorrow, disappointment, disillusionment and frustration, after having borne the onerous burdens and difficulties of marriage, to realize that in these and through these one comes to know, love and serve God better. How much hope it gives in times of despair; how much encouragement it gives in times of adversity; how much strength it gives in times of weakness to know that in carrying out the ordinary obligations of marriage one is attaining to the purpose for which he was made and is carving out for himself a niche in the eternal Kingdom of Heaven.

If, at the end of the world, the heavens will be filled with the friends of God — His chosen, His elect, His saints — you can be sure that the vast number of these will be the husbands and wives who performed all their marital obligations with as much perfection as their human frailty would allow. For all of their work, suffering and sacrifice they will enjoy the blessed bliss of Heaven in eternal rest and repose. May this expected reward be the inspiration and motivation for married couples of all times to be conscientious in the daily fulfillment of all of their duties and responsibilities.

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