...and to end famine, burn crops

By Diogenes (articles ) | Sep 15, 2004

How do you respond to a crime wave?That's easy; disband the police force.

Bothered by mice in your home? Don't worry; just leave plenty of cookie crumbs on the kitchen floor.

Caught in a thunderstorm on the golf course? Relax. Just run to the highest point you can find, and stick a 9-iron in the air.

I know what you're thinking: that I must be a genius to think of these solutions. But I can't take all the credit for myself; I've been learning from Cardinal Martino.

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  • Posted by: - Sep. 17, 2004 10:48 PM ET USA

    I think Cardinal Martino was misquoted. He meant universal racism as the solution to all of our problems. Mouthing racial epithets (preferably while screaming) in the Communion line will, pace Archbishop Flynn of St Paul of Tarsus, Minnesota, be no problem, since the Eucharist is a source of healing. Let the healing begin for you, your chattel slave that you drag behind you by 10 paces, and your 9 wives in Canada. The Eucharist is, after all, comfort food!

  • Posted by: - Sep. 17, 2004 12:01 AM ET USA

    Philo - you are correct. But as I mentioned earlier, pacifism is only acceptable for the individual who has no responsibilities toward a family, a city, or a country. There is no way that Jesus meant societies to embrace pacifism as a matter of course. No way.

  • Posted by: Fr. William - Sep. 16, 2004 11:54 PM ET USA

    OK, let's all review, with due respect to Cardinal Martino, the Catechism of the Catholic Church: #2240: it's morally obligatory to defend one's country... ##2263-2267: Defense of the common good requires that an unjust agressor be rendered unable to cause harm... & those in authority have the right to use arms to repel agressors... safeguard the common good.. #2309: legitimate defense by military force... obligations necessary for national defense... Thank you, Lord, for the CCC.

  • Posted by: Gil125 - Sep. 16, 2004 7:29 PM ET USA

    Shall we put unpathedhaunt's proposal to a vote of the body? I move that Diogenes be authorized and directed to retain his sense of humor and to continue to treat the respectable with respect and to twit the twits. All in favor, vote aye. Those opposed, say nay.

  • Posted by: - Sep. 16, 2004 2:40 PM ET USA

    Y'all know...I don't agree with Cd. Martino's view, but we also shouldn't mock the pacifist. Selective reading of the Gospel can be infuriating; on the other hand, Jesus does strongly advocate the rejection of violence. If the Church fully lived the Gospel, the world would pay more attention. But those who advocate living the radical Gospel, regardless of the condition of the world, must strive to live this Gospel in full, and not just the parts that are easy for the comfortable to fulfill.

  • Posted by: - Sep. 16, 2004 10:29 AM ET USA

    I sure hope the pacifists who comment here are living by ALL of Jesus recommendations of the Sermon on the Mount. You know, not just the ones that exempt them from uncomfortable and possibly dangerous military service, while others go out to fight and die to keep them safe to be pacifists. I hope they are giving to all who ask of them, and when someone steals their car, they give them their house keys also.

  • Posted by: - Sep. 16, 2004 9:57 AM ET USA

    Unpathedhaunt - Cardinal Martino hasn't a clue of what Jesus stands for in this regard. Pacifism has no place in the world outside of the Garden of Eden. If an apostle or monk or hermit chooses to personally follow a pacifist road, let him do so. But it is utterly irresponsible for a father or president to do so. There are some truly evil people in the world who need to be found and "put out of action" - either by death or imprisonment. In any case disarmament is truly idiotic.

  • Posted by: - Sep. 16, 2004 6:32 AM ET USA

    Once again, I find myself trying to get past the disparaging tone you use to characterize people who disagree with you. There is violence in words as well as actions, Diogenes. With regard to terrorism and war, perhaps we can look to Jesus' words on the subject. Cardinal Martino echoes them.

  • Posted by: - Sep. 16, 2004 12:34 AM ET USA

    I don't know what the esteemed Cardinal has been smoking---I cannot imagine how else a prelate could say something so terribly naive(not to mention stupid). If his real agenda is Italy's decamping from Iraq, I am sure that Mr Berlusconi would be glad to listen to him(before laughing him out of his office). Makes one wonder how we are supposed to take these silly statements seriously, especially from a Prince of the Church. IQ test, anyone?

  • Posted by: extremeCatholic - Sep. 15, 2004 9:09 PM ET USA

    The Christian martyrs of the 21st century in Sudan, Indonesia, and North Korea were disarmed. If their lack of arms is now ending the "perverse spiral", that's news to us. Also, if I were a Cardinal, I'd be a bit more circumspect in using the word "perverse".

  • Posted by: - Sep. 15, 2004 4:51 PM ET USA

    Actually this is SO outrageous (coming from someone who is not currently hospitalized under a psychiatrist's care) that I have to believe he said it deliberately to embarrass the Church. Comments like this bring ridicule upon the Church further weakening it's influence.

  • Posted by: - Sep. 15, 2004 4:01 PM ET USA

    Sounds reasonable. Vatican can set the example and disband Swiss Guard and annul defence treaty with Italy.

  • Posted by: - Sep. 15, 2004 1:17 PM ET USA

    It just angers me to see how little attention is paid to the just-war tradition of the Church. A proposal for Cd. Martino: Come to the Bronx, and go about ten blocks south of where I live. Make certain to be wearing nice clothing, a good watch, and perhaps a jewel-encrusted pectoral cross. Make certain there are no repressive, armed police officers in the area. THEN perhaps I'll take your pacifism seriously. St. Augustine knew we lived in a fallen world; I'm not certain Martino does.

  • Posted by: Charles134 - Sep. 15, 2004 11:50 AM ET USA

    Actually, if you're caught in a thunderstorm on a golf course, you should stick a one-iron in the air. Because even God can't hit a one-iron.