Action Alert!

Don't ask, don't tell: a subtle seminary entrance test

By Diogenes ( articles ) | Dec 22, 2005

1) What is your current occupation?

  • construction worker
  • computer programmer
  • dance instructor

2) Would you like something to drink?

  • a cold can of beer would be nice
  • Scotch, thanks, with just a splash.
  • Chardonnay, but only if it's chilled. Or do you have any herbal tea?

3) In high school, what was your main extracurricular activity?

  • football team
  • school newspaper/student government
  • drama club

4) When your friends come over for dinner, what do you like to serve?

  • Steak. You want vegetables? Don't worry; the cow ate some.
  • Burgers on the grills, probably. The wives and girlfriends will bring salads, so we'll be OK.
  • Quiche

5) If you could choose any car for your own use, what would your prefer?

  • a 4-by-4 pickup truck
  • whatever; as long as it's comfortable and gets good mileage
  • a sporty red convertible

6) If you are not admitted to the seminary, what career path are you most likely to choose:

  • the US Marines
  • investment banking
  • fashion design

7) If you had the time to get out of the city, and spend a few weeks in the countryside, what do you think you would enjoy the most?

  • hunting
  • the quiet, the fresh air, the clear skies at night
  • the antique shops

8) An old friend calls, to ask if you have a couple of hours this weekend to help him do a valve job on his old Jeep. What do you say?

  • Sure! Should I bring my spring compressor?
  • OK, I suppose. If you can tell me what to do…
  • What's a valve job?

9) Imagine that you can take a half-dozen of your old friends on a week-long vacation, with all expenses paid. Which would you choose:

  • Camp out at an untouched trout stream. Eat what you catch. Play poker at night. Remember to take a shower as soon as you get home.
  • Fly to Scotland. Play 18 holes on a different golf course every day.
  • Book a nice hotel in New York. Catch a different Broadway show every night.

10) At a friend's birthday party, you are introduced to a young woman who is, frankly, a bombshell. Beautiful curly red hair, a 50-megawatt smile, and a sensational figure. She's wearing a tight hot-pink dress with a slit up to here and a neckline plunging down to there, and she's delighted to meet you. What is your first reaction?

  • What do you think think my first reaction is? I'm human, you know.
  • I try to avoid her, without being impolite. Custody of the eyes, and all that. Stay away from trouble.
  • I love it; she's fabulous! I just wish she'd realize that pink is not her color. And those shoes definitely don't match the belt!

For extra credit:

11) What do you think of this test?

  • Worth a couple of laughs, I suppose.
  • Not sure. What are you getting at?
  • I am outraged! How dare you!

How to score your own test If you have to ask, you flunk.

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