Our Boosters are matching gifts up to $45,000. We have $32,467 to go. Your gift today will count twice!
Click here to advertise on CatholicCulture.org

story time

By Diogenes (articles ) | Aug 06, 2004

Uncle Di, how come you're so sunny and hope-filled all the time?

You see, Melissa, whenever I feel a little glum I pick up the paper and read how our bishops are helping to bring about a kingdom of justice and truth, and then my heart sings.

F'rinstance?

Well, here's a heart-warming story about Albany Bishop Howard Hubbard. Remember Washington Park, where the swing-sets are? Some people say he used to visit there in the evenings in order to celebrate Creation Spirituality with fetching young men.

Yuck.

Exactly. Well it turns out it's not true. A woman named Mary Jo White looked into the story and found out the, er, celebrant wasn't Bishop Hubbard but another man of the same name, age, and ecclesiastical rank.

It was nice of her to think of doing that.

Oh, she didn't volunteer. Bishop Hubbard hired her.

You mean he gave her money?

Two million four hundred thousand dollars. She asked literally dozens of questions.

He must be a really rich man!

No, no, dear. The bishop didn't pay, the Church pays. This is what's technically called the "preferential option for the poor."

But where does the Church get the money? From candy bars?

Don't bother your pretty little head about that. The important thing to keep in mind is that, as a priestly people, what we're about is forgiveness -- especially for wrongs that didn't occur and were thirty years ago anyway.

Let me get this straight. A Catholic bishop takes your money to pay a gal you never hired to say, as far as she can tell, he doesn't hit on non-consenting twinks -- at least during Lent -- so that you can keep paying him to stay on in his job.

Well, yes, that's pretty much today's good news in a nutshell. Now put down that nasty tire-iron and let your Uncle Di read you the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

An appeal from our founder, Dr. Jeffrey Mirus:

Dear reader: If you found the information on this page helpful in your pursuit of a better Catholic life, please support our work with a donation. Your donation will help us reach seven million Truth-seeking readers worldwide this year. Thank you!

Our Fall Campaign
Progress toward our year-end goal ($117,141 to go):
$150,000.00 $32,858.98
78% 22%
Sound Off! CatholicCulture.org supporters weigh in.

All comments are moderated. To lighten our editing burden, only current donors are allowed to Sound Off. If you are a donor, log in to see the comment form; otherwise please support our work, and Sound Off!

Show 2 Comments? (Hidden)Hide Comments
  • Posted by: - Aug. 09, 2004 12:52 AM ET USA

    A fool and his/her money are soon parted ... especially in Albany, Portland, Springfield, Tucson, ....

  • Posted by: Pseudodionysius - Aug. 07, 2004 10:16 AM ET USA

    Unfortunately, it is indeterminate whether Goldilocks is male or female. In the issue of gender equity I recommend male. As well the too hot, too cold, just right could be taken to be a metaphor for faith, or possibly the state of Goldihunks, er, sorry, Goldilocks appetitive passions. Further, (I've been on vacation) the too hot could symbolize hetero-marriage; too cold - gay marriage; just right - the indeterminate convictions of the typical parishioner. The cabin is located in Massacussetts

Fall 2014 Campaign
Subscribe for free
Shop Amazon
Click here to advertise on CatholicCulture.org

Recent Catholic Commentary

Contentious Spirits, Beware! 10 hours ago
And here's another very old story: the secular media don't understand Catholic affairs October 29
How not to be persuasive October 29
Francis the Man, Francis the Pope October 28
Clarifying what it might mean for a pope to wish to change Catholic doctrine October 28

Top Catholic News

Most Important Stories of the Last 30 Days
Key synod report calls for 'gradualism' in Church response to irregular family situations CWN - October 13
As synod concludes, bishops issue message, approve document; Pope weighs in CWN - October 20
Synod of Bishops opens with Mass in St. Peter’s Basilica CWN - October 6