Christmas Letter from Fr. Michael
by Fr. Michael of the Heart of Jesus
Christmas 1998
My Dear Friends,
How long has it been since I wrote to you of my heart? After a trip to France to plan for the pilgrimage of the relics of St. Therese of Lisieux throughout Russia during the Easter Season of 1999, then a deepening spiritual awakening at Madonna House in Canada. Oh, such people with hungry hearts for God. Then a beautiful time at the priest's retreat in Alaska with Fr. Benedict Groeschel and visits with friends, at last I AM HOME! When I was leaving Alaska in September, I felt, for the first time, a fear in my heart about my returning. I had left 1 1/2 months earlier and all had fallen apart since then. The ruble had collapsed; it is now 3 times higher then before, 15 to the dollar. The government has changed twice and still no salaries have been paid. Even before I returned, I already felt the new level of despondency that was settling in. But again by God's gracious mercy, with tears of deep gratitude, I found again that strange and wonderful truth of my heart—I find Christ here like no other place. It is surely my call to live and die here with these—my people!
With the economy as it is, the despondency is real as is the suffering of so many. Even when people are paid, they struggle now with 1/3 the income. They are being paid the same amount as before they raised the exchange rate! How do I describe what has happened and what is in the hearts of these—my people. It is like the early spring days when it appears that winter has left. And now the new birth is for sure, spring has come. Then you awake the next day to a stormy cold winter that seems will never leave. The spring promises for Russia of the early 90's have turned cold in the hearts of the people. They now bundle up against they continued collapse of dreams, lifestyle and hopes for a 'normal life'. There is a repression still here. It tramples on the human spirit. We feel it now in the new religious law that can so easily be used on a local level against religious organizations. Visa's are cancelled or limited to only 3 months. Many priests have had to return to their homes to renew their visa. It is expensive, time consuming and truly evil—disrupting the rebirth of the fragile church!
There is rebirth though! The first Russian priests, born in this time and trained in a Russian seminary, were ordained this past summer. The new leadership of the Russian Catholic Church has the face of a Russian priest. We have sent our dear Sasha to the seminary. He studies three languages, gets up at 5:30 a.m., and is falling in love with God and the church. What a story he is... he went to the Eucharistic Congress in Poland after wondering about the priesthood. He, by education is a geologist, but saw there, the church for what it is—a treasure—a sacrament. He returned, announced his decision and waited to see if he had to go into the army. Praise be to Jesus he received a health deferment ...two years ago, which he had never received nor knew about. God had cleared the way two years ago for this decision. He is, of course, on a honeymoon, but it is so great to see a young man desiring holiness and priesthood and so happy! I feel I birthed him, as he had lived with me for one year and we prayed the breviary together. He helped me with my atrocious Russian (still semi-atrocious) and together we waited to see what God wanted. God's desire came alive in his heart and now we pray for perseverance and, I pray that I will someday concelebrate Mass with him as a Russian citizen, with Fr. Sasha—my son.
It is a time of hopelessness and despair. The death rate in Russia is twice the birth rate. We can do little. Feed, clothe, care for those who come to the door. Give away one of two coats, the extra socks and share the lovely abundance of potatoes we harvested. Fr. David and I are writing a book called 365 Ways to Eat Potatoes! We fix something different each day and WE ENJOY IT! So far we have not duplicated our recipes and it has been two months of daily potatoes.
So what can we do? Pray constantly I hear. The love of the Blessed Sacrament drives my prayer. I see such power there for people who already have a contemplative heart! So we foolishly in the midst of this turmoil began on Nov 6th a day of vigiling each week before the Blessed Sacrament! I believe—please hear this as a deep plea and promise—we will one day have perpetual adoration here in Magadan, as a way to finally answer that deep call I received in my heart almost 6 years ago to "Go and pray in the camps!"
We will start with a 24 hour vigil beginning at 3 p.m. on Friday—Mercy Hour in remembrance of the gift of the cross of Christ—for it had redeemed the world and vigil with Christ until 3 Saturday. The small Catholic community, grandmothers included, received this idea with such joy! What can any of us do before the collapse of one's dreams and future, but pray? We will pray not only our own prayers, for our own families and their sufferings, but we will hold there all of Russia. Pope John Paul II said that before the Blessed Sacrament, 'we represent all who don't know God, have turned from God, even those who hate God, and simply say, we know Your love and we desire to adore You. For it is enough just to love God in order to save the world."
I received a word while in my hermitage one day. I still go 2 full days, fasting, praying day and night before the Blessed Sacrament. I do sleep some too, of course! And when I sleep before the Lord, I find comfort in this passage of scripture that we read in the Divine Office (2 Thess. 5; 11) "He died for us so that whether we are awake or ASLEEP we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up just as in fact you are doing."
The word was this: "Expect nothing, want nothing, seek nothing. Desire only me. Pray and offer your life"
This now seems to be my charter, if you will, along with this simple prayer I received when I received this marvelous gift to go and to pray in the camps.
Oh Lord, you fill me with such joy! How can I ever repay you? Forgive me my faults—for they are many—and give me but one home, there at the foot of the cross, wrapped in the mantle of My Lady and My Queen, teach me but one thing and that is to Love.
I find such joy in watching one soul come alive here. I see now, that it is serving the One that saves me. Is not the person here today worth my life? I find it amazing that Christ would offer his life for the person in front of me. So why should I not do the same? Where do I die, if not for love of those He sends me? To die for the love of Christ—this is my desire.
I had a beautiful dream, though I was half-awake and 'seeing'. Maybe you could call it a vision. I saw myself chained to the Blessed Sacrament praying constantly before my Lord and my Love. I can't tell you the deep joy that filled my heart. I am in chains for Christ-chained by His love. "Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble, or hardships or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or the sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Here then is my creed—"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God there is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:35-39)
For us here, hope is a genuine act of the will and a movement of faith. Christianity at its core is a statement of uncompromising hope. He destroyed sin and death. We have nothing to fear!
Lately we have been attacked by many. The local officials from fire marshals to emigration to visa officials, all want to exercise their power over us. The spiritual battle to remain hopeful for us and for our people is a struggle of the will and of constant prayer. But where else shall we go but to the Lord of Life. He has the words that echo in our hearts. The truths that lead us now and into eternal life.
This is my secret: I believe God desires us here as fiery holocausts of prayer—offering our hearts as furnaces for His love. We are to be consumed by His love—offered for the sake of others—so that in quiet hidden humility—no applause please it will spoil the offering—we stay little, stay lost, and stay in love with Him!
I do have though, three prayer requests to be offered to God on the altar of your heart. One: we are now beginning serious negotiations for a building, which was originally an interrogation center (who knows what happened in it!). It is now a music school. It will be the beginning of the real parish chapel. The church will be build in front of this building or on the grounds. If we receive it, it will be through the work of Our Lady, and St. Joseph and St. Michael, all of which are represented by medals we buried at he four corners...
The restrictions are growing on how we can be Church, in the small remodeled apartment that we use as a chapel. We need a structure to call our own. Please God let it be this one! What better way to pray in the camps then to use a former interrogation center and offer the Holy Liturgy and pray constantly before the Blessed Sacrament.
My second prayer request is simply for justice to happen here, for salaries to be paid and people to be treated as people who have dignity and worth. It is still a system that dehumanizes and robs people of their self-worth and beauty. Let us attack straight on and pray for justice to happen here.
Thirdly, pray please for me, for Fr. David and for the Madonna House women. We are so weak and falter so often. We are taken in by the wiles of the enemy, lose heart for a day then struggle back. It is so easy to loose the treasure given us. Please pray we become poorer and remain little and lost in this work. We realize that we must live the Nazareth life of the Holy family—simple living as others live—suffering as others suffer, and trusting that all will be new—that these winter days will pass and that spring will come. For He who has destroyed the darkness of the night has unfrozen the icy grip of evil in our hearts and now rules as the Lord of life and in the New Dawn. Winter days when lived are dark but even they have the greatest beauty.
So dear friends, here then is my heart. Pray with me for all of us to be faithful, persevering and to stay in love! How tragic if we forget that the reason for all of this is to learn to love. Let this be true in your heart. Let this be true in your mind!!
To die for the love of Christ—Oh what a joy! Oh what a life so full, so complete at times only tears of joy and silence can best describe the depth.
In my hermitage I remember you.
In your prayers, I beg to be remembered.
Fr. Michael of the Heart of Jesus
Chained by the love of Christ.
This item 709 digitally provided courtesy of CatholicCulture.org
