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in case of emergency, follow liturgical directives

By Diogenes (articles ) | Jul 06, 2006

Just in case a bird-flu epidemic hits New Zealand, priests are receiving instructions on how to protect the faithful from contagion.

Practices effective immediately include priests using only chalices and bowls made of precious metals for the distribution of holy communion. "Research has shown that metal chalices are less likely to contribute to the spread of diseases," church bird flu epidemic protocols state.

Research has also shown that chalices made from precious metals are required by Church liturgical norms. If you're really desperate, take them seriously.


For extra credit: Take these six words-- all of them nouns (at least sometimes)-- and form them into a sentence which can appear without punctuation in a daily newspaper:
bird
epidemic
state
flu
protocols
church

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Show 8 Comments? (Hidden)Hide Comments
  • Posted by: florentine - Jul. 06, 2006 11:04 PM ET USA

    The "peace" handshake and lay Eucharistic "ministers" are well intended, but sadly, germ conductors . When I first converted, I always shook every hand in vicinity, and took Host in the hand, from whoever .... and often seem to get sick... After an "ah ha" moment of discovery at the Tridentine Mass, I realized receiving the Host on the tongue from a holy priest, while kneeling, is not only very spiritually beneficial, but the best of all barriers agst. disease (physical and otherwise).

  • Posted by: - Jul. 06, 2006 7:41 PM ET USA

    Unable to access hotlink - anything about the REAL threat - handshaking?

  • Posted by: - Jul. 06, 2006 5:11 PM ET USA

    state bird flu church, protocols epidemic

  • Posted by: - Jul. 06, 2006 1:52 PM ET USA

    Instruction for the sick birds in the pews.

  • Posted by: - Jul. 06, 2006 1:34 PM ET USA

    State protcols church bird flu epidemic. (only allowed in the National Catholic Reporter where church is a verb) Alternative Church protocols state bird flu epidemic.

  • Posted by: - Jul. 06, 2006 12:40 PM ET USA

    Not so fast, Abraham! "Church protocols state bird flu epidemic"

  • Posted by: - Jul. 06, 2006 10:39 AM ET USA

    A flu-ridden John Kerry has diagnosed the State as suffering from a 'church epidemic' due to the insistence by those on the lunar right who uphold protocols excluding birds from the priesthood.

  • Posted by: Abraham Tolemahcs - Jul. 06, 2006 9:54 AM ET USA

    "Bird flu epidemic states church protocols" Is there a prize?

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