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The Case of the Incontinent Curate - II

By Diogenes (articles ) | May 16, 2005

Further adventures of our fearless sleuthette.

Chapter Five

"Pardon me, Monsignor," said Nancy, stepping into the spacious and well-lit Chancery office, "I'm sorry to interrupt you, but our dear Sister Margaret was found strangled and stabbed between 27 and 32 times in the hospital chapel, and I wonder if you have any SECRET FILES that might implicate the diocese, if you catch my drift, in this senseless tragedy?"

"Why no, Miss Drew," replied the soutaned clergyman, rising and striding across the luxurious maroon carpet to the broom closet. "We keep all our secret files in this Altoids tin, and as you can see ..." -- popping the lid and showing the container to Nancy -- "There's nothing inside pertaining to Father Ro- ... pertaining to this saddening experience. I'm sure you'd agree, wouldn't you Jerry?"

What's that thumpy sound? "Absolutely!" squealed a languid male figure with lip gloss and glitter nail polish, garbed as a Poor Clare novice. Noticing Nancy's perplexity, he added, "Don't mind the drag. Nothing but absolute fun. Camp foolishness."

But something told Nancy to leave no stone unturned. "Tell me," she queried, "Do you have the Toledo Yellow Pages handy?" She carefully leafed through the ponderous tome. "No," Nancy murmured, "There are no entries under Garrotte Rental or under Ritual Murder."

"And besides," added the monsignor, sitting at his desk and removing a checkbook from a drawer, "the human condition is sinful, and priests are human."

Nancy nodded thoughtfully. "A clear case of suicide," she said, watching as figures were penned on the check. "Such an unfortunate woman." The writing stopped.

"I said," Nancy repeated, coughing into her fist, "a clear case of suicide..." The writing resumed. Nancy stood, dropped the check into the slim turquoise handbag she had chosen to match her twinset, and blew a kiss to Sister Jerry. Another mystery solved! At that moment her good friend Ned burst into the office. He was obviously excited about something.

"Nancy!" exclaimed Ned, "$800,000 is missing from a fashionable Cape Cod parish in a well known resort area, and the bishop wants you to investigate. You have to leave right away!"

"Heavens!" mused Nancy, glancing at her stylish wristwatch, "I'll just have time to catch the afternoon train to Fall River. But what can this mean...?

To be continued.

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