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By Diogenes (articles ) | Mar 31, 2004

Hello, and welcome to the Bishop O'Brien Help Hotline®. Your call is important to us! Please listen to the HelpLine options and select the one that corresponds to your need.

For information on the Kiwanis Klassic Bike-a-Thon, press One.

For this week's Maricopa County Schools lunch menus, press Three.

For an intimate, personalized conversation with a burly non-smoking Capricorn with a Roman JCL and fabulous pecs, press Five.

To learn how you can help close the School of the Americas, press Six.

To hear a recording of Rosemary Ruether's 1986 Horizons for Justice address, press Nine.

To suggest how we can serve you better, press Theta.

To keep your tee-shot straight when using a wood, don't press.

If you have an emergency requiring the assistance of Bishop O'Brien, please contact the law offices of Benítez, Rocha, Rosenberg y Lobos, Avenida Luis de Llúria 44, Concepión, Santo Domingo. Be sure to include a stamped, self-addressed envelope and indicate clearly the nature of your problem. Hello, and welcome to the Bishop O'Brien Help Hotline®. Your call is important to us!

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  • Posted by: Pseudodionysius - Mar. 31, 2004 9:58 PM ET USA

    The music playing in the background when I phone is "On Eagle's Wings"

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