for better or for worse

By Diogenes ( articles ) | Jun 18, 2009

 So the aptly named Alberto Cutie-- don't you agree that the name looks better without the accent?-- is now married. Well, best wishes to the happy couple, and all that. But tell me: What are the long-term prospects for Mrs. Cutie?

This romance blossomed after Father Cutié, the telegenic star of EWTN and Telemundo, was captured in compromising photographs. Well, no; that's not quite right. I guess the compromising photos wouldn't have been taken if the romance hadn't already been in pretty much full bloom. Anyway, once his dalliance with his future bride became a matter of public record, Father Cutié suddenly discovered that he was adamantly opposed to the Catholic discipline of clerical celibacy.

You'd think he might have given some thought to the matter earlier in his life. Most seminarians do realize that ordination will probably crimp their romantic style. Perhaps young Alberto neglected to consider the matter. It's funny how seeing your photo in the tabloids can jog your memory, and remind you of a moral crusade you'd previously forgotten to carry out.

Anyway, once he realized that he couldn't remain in a Church so heartless as to repress his inner Romeo, Father Cutié quickly bolted, and landed a new gig with the Episcopal Church, which allows its clergy to marry. With all obstacles lifted, the couple has lived happily ever after-- at least up to the present date.

But now let's just suppose that Alberto Cutié has another epiphany. The tabloid photos prompted the abrupt realization that he is unalterably opposed to clerical celibacy. At some future date, when he is introduced to Lolita Abbondanza, might he gain a similar mystical insight that he opposes permanent marriage?

The Episcopal Church, you know, has never objected strongly to divorce. Ask Anne Boleyn.