tending the flock

By Diogenes ( articles ) | Feb 14, 2005

"From time to time, Father Richard invited me to his bedroom, which made me uncomfortable and afraid," said a former altar boy's affidavit, which was filed in a lawsuit against the diocese. "Father Richard discussed bestiality with my brother and me, and seemed to imply he had participated in bestiality."

The following waltz, painstakingly transcribed from a tattered manuscript discovered in the Yale Law School library and posted here out of purely historical interest, is to be sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things"

Lads without fathers or lawyers or trousers,
Bellhops who whisper "Your room's ready now, sirs."
Thurifers kissing episcopal rings:
These are a few of my favorite things.

Afternoon trysts to develop my fitness,
Lawsuits dismissed for the lack of a witness,
Liturgists warble-ing On Eagles Wings:
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the Feds sting, when the perps sing
-- Lambchops, I-I-I love you:
You don't give a bleat when you're scooped off the street,
but best of all: Sheep - don't - sue!

Acolytes tanning on Provincetown beaches,
Prelates that practice what Barney Frank preaches,
Caddies that treat clerics better than kings:
These are a few of my favorite things.

Workshops to make seminarians tender,
Chat rooms to help me discover my gender,
Hallowe'en parties and Mardi Gras flings:
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the boys tell, when their moms yell
-- Lambchops, I-I-I love you:
You're easy to hide in a Buick's inside,
but best of all: Sheep - don't - sue!