Because your are NOT lukewarm, I will spit you out

By Diogenes (articles ) | Jun 18, 2004

(Inspired by the latest courageous stand taken by the US bishops)

A reading from the epistle of Paul Americanus to the Galatians:

O interesting Galatians! I am not entirely comfortable with some of things you may or may not be doing. I am forming a committee to draw up some guidelines that will help you grow as human persons. The committee's decisions will be published shortly after the Day of Judgment. Meanwhile, if any one is preaching to you a gospel contrary to that which you received, stamp your little feet. And please send me some more information about this former brother of ours, John Fisher, who has been causing disturbances among you. May God judge him accordingly. See with what a large computer I write. --Paulus Americanus
A second reading from the epistle of Paulus Americanus to Timothy:
Paulus Americanus, a member of several committess of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops to Timothy, a fellow on the move: As I urged you when I was going to the Los Angeles Catechetical Congress, do not teach any doctrines that might upset the people of God. Indeed, do not teach any doctrines at all. Be a people pleaser. We know that the law is good, but do not make too big a thing of it. I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all human persons, especially for the winner of the next election. Whoever that human person is, we were with him/her all along. We know that the law is nice if anyone wants to follow it.

We know that there have been among you profane slayers of human persons, perjurers, Republicans, non-transgendered, and some who refuse to offer hospitality to those who enjoy an alternate life style, but all that is history now, thank goodness.

Do your best to come to me soon. A few angular and unpastoral types have refused to help build community and have deserted me. Fabian of Nebraska did me much harm and refused to enter into dialogue with our happy bench of bishops. The editors of the Boston Globe strongly opposed my message. May it not be charged against them.

When you come, be sure to bring with you my new jacket from Ralph Lauren. And do not forget the latest copy of the National Catholic Reporter. Take a little Absolut vodka with a lemon twist for your stomach's sake. The Lord/Lady be with you. --Paulus Americanus

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  • Posted by: - Jun. 21, 2004 5:47 PM ET USA

    I agree with John J Plick.What we need now are people that will stand up for the Word of God and The Catechism,not commedians.Wycliffe

  • Posted by: - Jun. 20, 2004 5:53 AM ET USA

    Literature from the days of darkness! Bravo!

  • Posted by: Fr. William - Jun. 19, 2004 2:18 PM ET USA

    Diogenes, may all bishops read your column. Is it true that the Most Holy Eucharist, the Source & Summit of the Christian life (Catechism #1324), the true, real & SUBSTANTIAL Presence of Jesus the Christ (CCC #1374) is not being safeguarded by most of the bishops, successors to the Apostles? Please, God, make the bishops docile to Your Holy Spirit; help them, give them courage to seek Your Will & do it. Otherwise, give them the integrity to retire since they've renounced their duty to lead.

  • Posted by: - Jun. 18, 2004 9:39 PM ET USA

    This is maddning,frustrating.When I watch the Senhedrin on their mules riding of to see our Savior crucified in "The Passion"and I see our own Bishops. your wry wit does provide some relief from the maddness .

  • Posted by: - Jun. 18, 2004 8:56 PM ET USA

    Diogenes, how well you translate the real words of the Lord of Darkness and the Lady of Chaos both of whom hid behind the tepid language of the politically correct. Thanks.

  • Posted by: John J Plick - Jun. 18, 2004 7:20 PM ET USA

    And no doubt, my dear brother, you will try to make a joke out of the Great Whie Throne Judgement. ..I guarantee, any Bishop found there WILL NOT be laughing.