Action Alert!

otr dashback: 2-29-04 -- transcript

By Diogenes (articles ) | Apr 04, 2008

24:01:44:02: Dallas, we have a problem.

24:01:44:05: Go ahead, Fidelis.

24:01:44:09: Dallas, we're showing an undervolt on main bishop B for Boston. We've got 5, no 7, ... make that 24 priests out of action. Over.

24:01:44:16: Fidelis, we copy 24 priests. Suggest possible telemetry problem, over.

24:01:44:22: Negative, Dallas. We're now reading 32 fizzled priests. Rate of loss is increasing, over.

24:01:45:13: Fidelis, this is Dallas. DIDCOM believes attrition will stabilize at 40 or 45 priests. [unintelligible] telemetry glitch is still possible, over.

24:01:45:18: Dallas, we're showing 81, repeat 81 priests, and growing. Subpoenas taking down bishops Boston, Brooklyn, New York and Manchester ... possible Cincinnati as well. Attitude is not stable. We're losing orientation, Dallas, over.

24:01:45:23: Dallas, this is Fidelis. Do you copy? over.

24:01:45:28: That's affirmative, Fidelis. We're on a learning curve here. [unintelligible]

24:01:49:07: Dallas, we're showing 50+ losses in Detroit and Los ... wait, total failure of bishop in Palm Beach, he's completely off-line, Dallas. Looks like he might be bringing down St. Petersburg with him. Lexington is off-line ... Oh this son of ... Milwaukee just went down, Dallas, repeat, Milwaukee is dead. Request instructions, over.

24:01:52:56: Fidelis, this is Dallas. Commence power-down scheme number 22, power-down scheme number 22. Do you copy? over.

24:01:53:00: Query "22," Dallas, over.

24:01:53:06: Roger, 22 it is, Fidelis. Commence power-down immediately, over.

24:01:53:12: We copy, Dallas ... powering-down now ... that leaves us with ... with the offertory, the kiss of peace, and the acolytes' summer picnic. Dallas, if we're going to make it home we're going to need some sacramental grace, over.

24:01:53:33: Working on it, Fidelis, over.

24:01:58:27: Dallas, we can't [unintelligible]

24:01:58:42: Fidelis, this is Dallas, over.

24:01:59:15: Fidelis, this is Dallas, over.

24:02:00:42: Fidelis, this is Dallas, over.

Terminated at Mission Elapsed Time 24:02:15:00

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  • Posted by: - Apr. 04, 2008 10:08 PM ET USA

    There's an eerie echo of A Canticle for Lebowitz in this transmission.