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safety first

By Diogenes (articles ) | Aug 14, 2006

Having sampled the editorial wisdom of London's Daily Telegraph, I've decided to give the Pope the benefit of my wisdom, too.

In his next encyclical, the Pontiff should instruct Mafia button-men to purchase Kevlar vests for the members of rival gangs.

I'm told that some hard-line cardinals in the Vatican are holding out for a more traditional statement of moral principle, in which the Pope would tell the goons to stop shooting each other. That's unrealistic; they can't help it.

The way I see it, if you don't endorse bulletproof vests, you're endorsing murder.

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Show 4 Comments? (Hidden)Hide Comments
  • Posted by: sparch - Aug. 22, 2006 5:48 PM ET USA

    The comments following the article were good. I would like to ask Bill Gates, How many condoms can you by with 500 million dollars? I'll bet his foundation knows.

  • Posted by: - Aug. 22, 2006 12:49 PM ET USA

    Check out this line of thought being promoted in my diocesan paper (Florida Catholic): http://www.catholic.org/international/international_story.php?id=20879 You see, since they are already commiting a sin that will send them to Hell, its ok to use condoms to delay their getting there!

  • Posted by: TheJournalist64 - Aug. 14, 2006 9:37 PM ET USA

    My sophomores like to fight me when I ask them, "if your brother came home with a .22 and said he was going to knock over a convenience store, what would you think if your dad said, 'no, borrow my 9 mm because it's safer'"?

  • Posted by: - Aug. 14, 2006 12:17 PM ET USA

    But first buy stock in the makers of kevlar.

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