Challenge Grant: Our Boosters will match donations up to $45,000. We have $36,934 to go. Please donate!
Click here to advertise on CatholicCulture.org

The Case of the Incontinent Curate - VII

By Diogenes (articles ) | Jun 09, 2005

Further adventures of our fearless sleuthette.

Chapter Twenty

"... Two. One. Two. Two," chanted Nancy, as she tapped the numbers into her motel room phone. "Why, I believe it's ringing!"

Hello, and welcome to the Bishop Thomas O'Brien Court-Ordered Post-Conviction Help Hotline! Please listen to the options and select the one that corresponds to your need. If you're a perky young sleuth or sleuthette investigating a possible connection between the predatory homosexuality of the late Bishop James Rausch and his protegé Bishop O'Brien's chairmanship of the U.S.C.C.B.'s pastoral Always Our Children, press One. If you --

Nancy hit the suggested button and, after listening for three or four minutes to the Muzak version of "My Boyfriend's Back," was pleased to hear a cheerful female voice. "Good morning, Bishop Thomas O'Brien Court-Ordered Post-Conviction Help Hotline! How may I help you?"

What's that thumpy sound?"I'm a perky young sleuthette," replied Nancy, "investigating a possible connection between the predatory homosexuality of the late Bishop James Rausch and his protegé Bishop O'Brien's chairmanship of U.S.C.C.B.'s pastoral Always Our Children, and I wanted to know if the Bishop could tell me why Santa Fe Archbishop Michael Sheehan was appointed to oversee the Phoenix Diocese after he went down on the road-kill rap, and whether Sheehan's admission of Rudy Kos to Dallas's Holy Trinity Seminary was a factor in his assignment."

"His Excellency can't come to the phone right now," said the voice merrily, "but he would want to remind you of the language of his agreement with the Phoenix DA, which states, 'During the course of the grand jury's investigation, to this date, no credible evidence has been received that would establish that Thomas J. O'Brien personally engaged in criminal sexual misconduct.'"

"'Personally ... engaged," Nancy repeated slowly, "in criminal sexual misconduct..."

"To this date," the voice chirped.

"Well!" exclaimed Nancy brightly. "There's another mystery solved! I can't tell you how helpful you've been."

"Know what?" continued the happy voice, "There's also no connection between the Phoenix clergy's recreational proclivities and the fact that His Excellency's go-to man sabotaged some anti-abortion legislation by convincing two Democratic state senators to yank the support they'd been willing to give. Democrats! I mean, do I love my job or what?"

Nancy cradled the receiver and made her way to the motel lobby. "Excuse me, Miss," the clerk said, "Message for you. You're needed immediately in Spokane."

"Gracious!" replied Nancy. "Can I get the airport bus from here?"

"Just over there," said the clerk, pointing through the window with his pencil. "But be careful crossing the street. There's a lot of bad blind Buick busters out there!" he added with a knowing wink.

"Now I wonder what he could have meant by that?" thought Nancy as she made her way to the bus stop. But her thoughts were shattered by the sudden screech of tires ...

To be continued.

An appeal from our founder, Dr. Jeffrey Mirus:

Dear reader: If you found the information on this page helpful in your pursuit of a better Catholic life, please support our work with a donation. Your donation will help us reach seven million Truth-seeking readers worldwide this year. Thank you!

Our Fall Campaign
Progress toward our year-end goal ($125,313 to go):
$150,000.00 $24,687.05
84% 16%
Sound Off! CatholicCulture.org supporters weigh in.

All comments are moderated. To lighten our editing burden, only current donors are allowed to Sound Off. If you are a donor, log in to see the comment form; otherwise please support our work, and Sound Off!

There are no comments yet for this item.

Fall 2014 Campaign
Subscribe for free
Shop Amazon
Click here to advertise on CatholicCulture.org

Recent Catholic Commentary

The Church Moves On, Slowly 4 hours ago
Is Cardinal Kasper losing his grip? 9 hours ago
The Pope is not the problem October 23
Do not confuse sacramental discipline and Catholic doctrine. October 23
Ignatius Press into the Breach: Trumping the Kasper Proposal October 22

Top Catholic News

Most Important Stories of the Last 30 Days
Key synod report calls for 'gradualism' in Church response to irregular family situations CWN - October 13
As synod concludes, bishops issue message, approve document; Pope weighs in CWN - October 20
Cardinal Parolin: UN must protect innocents from Islamic State CWN - September 30
Synod of Bishops opens with Mass in St. Peter’s Basilica CWN - October 6