The Case of the Incontinent Curate - VII
By Diogenes (articles ) | Jun 09, 2005
"... Two. One. Two. Two," chanted Nancy, as she tapped the numbers into her motel room phone. "Why, I believe it's ringing!"
Hello, and welcome to the Bishop Thomas O'Brien Court-Ordered Post-Conviction Help Hotline! Please listen to the options and select the one that corresponds to your need. If you're a perky young sleuth or sleuthette investigating a possible connection between the predatory homosexuality of the late Bishop James Rausch and his protegé Bishop O'Brien's chairmanship of the U.S.C.C.B.'s pastoral Always Our Children, press One. If you --
Nancy hit the suggested button and, after listening for three or four minutes to the Muzak version of "My Boyfriend's Back," was pleased to hear a cheerful female voice. "Good morning, Bishop Thomas O'Brien Court-Ordered Post-Conviction Help Hotline! How may I help you?"
"I'm a perky young sleuthette," replied Nancy, "investigating a possible connection between the predatory homosexuality of the late Bishop James Rausch and his protegé Bishop O'Brien's chairmanship of U.S.C.C.B.'s pastoral Always Our Children, and I wanted to know if the Bishop could tell me why Santa Fe Archbishop Michael Sheehan was appointed to oversee the Phoenix Diocese after he went down on the road-kill rap, and whether Sheehan's admission of Rudy Kos to Dallas's Holy Trinity Seminary was a factor in his assignment."
"His Excellency can't come to the phone right now," said the voice merrily, "but he would want to remind you of the language of his agreement with the Phoenix DA, which states, 'During the course of the grand jury's investigation, to this date, no credible evidence has been received that would establish that Thomas J. O'Brien personally engaged in criminal sexual misconduct.'"
"'Personally ... engaged," Nancy repeated slowly, "in criminal sexual misconduct..."
"To this date," the voice chirped.
"Well!" exclaimed Nancy brightly. "There's another mystery solved! I can't tell you how helpful you've been."
"Know what?" continued the happy voice, "There's also no connection between the Phoenix clergy's recreational proclivities and the fact that His Excellency's go-to man sabotaged some anti-abortion legislation by convincing two Democratic state senators to yank the support they'd been willing to give. Democrats! I mean, do I love my job or what?"
Nancy cradled the receiver and made her way to the motel lobby. "Excuse me, Miss," the clerk said, "Message for you. You're needed immediately in Spokane."
"Gracious!" replied Nancy. "Can I get the airport bus from here?"
"Just over there," said the clerk, pointing through the window with his pencil. "But be careful crossing the street. There's a lot of bad blind Buick busters out there!" he added with a knowing wink.
"Now I wonder what he could have meant by that?" thought Nancy as she made her way to the bus stop. But her thoughts were shattered by the sudden screech of tires ...
To be continued.
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