Click here to advertise on CatholicCulture.org

tending the flock

By Diogenes (articles ) | Feb 14, 2005

"From time to time, Father Richard invited me to his bedroom, which made me uncomfortable and afraid," said a former altar boy's affidavit, which was filed in a lawsuit against the diocese. "Father Richard discussed bestiality with my brother and me, and seemed to imply he had participated in bestiality."

The following waltz, painstakingly transcribed from a tattered manuscript discovered in the Yale Law School library and posted here out of purely historical interest, is to be sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things"

Lads without fathers or lawyers or trousers,
Bellhops who whisper "Your room's ready now, sirs."
Thurifers kissing episcopal rings:
These are a few of my favorite things.

Afternoon trysts to develop my fitness,
Lawsuits dismissed for the lack of a witness,
Liturgists warble-ing On Eagles Wings:
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the Feds sting, when the perps sing
-- Lambchops, I-I-I love you:
You don't give a bleat when you're scooped off the street,
but best of all: Sheep - don't - sue!
Acolytes tanning on Provincetown beaches,
Prelates that practice what Barney Frank preaches,
Caddies that treat clerics better than kings:
These are a few of my favorite things.

Workshops to make seminarians tender,
Chat rooms to help me discover my gender,
Hallowe'en parties and Mardi Gras flings:
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the boys tell, when their moms yell
-- Lambchops, I-I-I love you:
You're easy to hide in a Buick's inside,
but best of all: Sheep - don't - sue!

An appeal from our founder, Dr. Jeffrey Mirus:

Dear reader: If you found the information on this page helpful in your pursuit of a better Catholic life, please support our work with a donation. Your donation will help us reach five million Truth-seeking readers worldwide this year. Thank you!

Progress toward our April expenses ($20,335 to go):
$35,000.00 $14,665.48
58% 42%
Sound Off! CatholicCulture.org supporters weigh in.

All comments are moderated. To lighten our editing burden, only current donors are allowed to Sound Off. If you are a donor, log in to see the comment form; otherwise please support our work, and Sound Off!

Show 3 Comments? (Hidden)Hide Comments
  • Posted by: Gil125 - Feb. 14, 2005 6:04 PM ET USA

    Sesational! Another bull's eye. Or some aperture.

  • Posted by: - Feb. 14, 2005 5:31 PM ET USA

    Isn't this in Breaking Bread?

  • Posted by: Pseudodionysius - Feb. 14, 2005 11:12 AM ET USA

    Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-d

Subscribe for free
Click here to advertise on CatholicCulture.org

Recent Catholic Commentary

The Holy Spirit and Evangelization: A Primer 19 hours ago
Journey to the Sun: A Strange Biography of Junípero Serra 22 hours ago
Russia's demographic recovery + US demographic decline = danger 24 hours ago
James Carroll strikes (at the Church) again 24 hours ago
Improving the Church April 15

Top Catholic News

Most Important Stories of the Last 30 Days