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Signs of the Times

By Diogenes (articles ) | Nov 04, 2004

Let's say you were abducted by aliens on Tuesday morning-- on your way home, after you voted. You were taken to the planet Zork, and told that you would be vaporized if you didn't explain the US elections. The leaders of Zork are, for some reason, keenly interested in American politics. But they're confused, and they need someone to explain things.

To complicate matters, there's heavy electronic interference between Earth and Zork, and you can't get the actual vote totals. All you can hear, between the screeches of static (or is that Dan Rather, doing primal-scream therapy and forgetting that the mike is still on?), are snatches of the comments from public figures in the northeastern US.

Ted Kennedy says it's time for reconciliation. Hillary Clinton says it's time to unite a divided nation. Arlen Specter says the president shouldn't force his views on the American people. The New York Times says that the president should choose Supreme Court nominees acceptable to the other side.

Time's up, Earthling! The Panjamdrum of Zork has his Pulverizer-904 aimed right between your eyes. You'll live (for now) if you get the first question right: Who won the presidential election?

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