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By Diogenes (bio - articles ) | Aug 22, 2004

That's the heavy-breathing headline to Kelly Burke's Sydney Morning Herald article concerning a forward-thinking priest with an appreciation of diversity and discreetly highlighted hair who's in a pet with his boss.

Kelly dear, for the sake of any readers we have in common, let's review Peter Damien's Basics for Bishops:

  • "Inflexible" is GOOD.

  • "Flexible" is BAD.

  • You WANT clergymen who don't bend over easily.

The Church in the U.S. is a young one, but there are a few areas in which her faithful can speak with the authority born of experience. We've got enough Dash-2 retirees (benched "because of illness or other grave reason," according to Canon 401 §2) to field a rugby union side, and what we can't tell you about gummy bear bishops isn't worth knowing.

If you still doubt us, Kelly, get the Australian and U.S. nuncios in on a conference call. In exchange for Pell, we'll swap you any twenty flexible bishops you name -- and just to show we mean business, we'll throw-in a slightly used Buick Regal, gratis.

What can be fairer than that?

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  • Posted by: Fr. William - Aug. 24, 2004 1:04 AM ET USA

    Diogenes, what a deal! I hope Kelly goes for it (the Buick might cinch it). If it doesn't, let's have a second proposal lined up: give him all the flexible gummy bear bishops from the US. That will leave us with about 7 or so bishops in the US (Burke, Bruskewitz, George, Morlino, Chaput, Vasha, Vigneron, and a few auxilaries) to join forces with Cardinal Pell. Then, those "inflexible" bishops who remain would shepherd regions in the country that the Church would call "super-dioceses," etc...

  • Posted by: - Aug. 23, 2004 11:17 PM ET USA

    Again, why can't the communicant in question receive communion by receiving the blood of Christ? It too contains Jesus Christ body, soul, and divinity. Such silly, silly things!

  • Posted by: - Aug. 23, 2004 10:13 PM ET USA

    This impudent priestlet who dares attack Cardinal :Pell should be reduced to the lay state yesterday ! He doesn't even want to look like a priest .

  • Posted by: kmd - Aug. 23, 2004 10:03 PM ET USA

    Australia was originally the Colony where criminals and individuals with social and behavioral problems were sent. I suppose the list of American Hierarchs and clergy that could be sent there is not exaclty a "short list."

  • Posted by: - Aug. 23, 2004 3:35 PM ET USA

    Ah yes, another 'courageous' dissenting priest criticizing his 'inflexible' superior. A veritable Richard McBrien/Dan Maguire from Down Under. He has even thrown off the Roman Collar as well. What courage! Maybe he should just go the whole hog and leave? If you can't stand the heat...

  • Posted by: - Aug. 23, 2004 2:34 PM ET USA

    Is there a free agent clause in contracts for Cardinals? How about we trade Richard McBrien, Andrew Greeley and Cardinals Mahony and McCarrick for Cardinal Pell? We can even sweeten the deal by offering to send at some future date any number of other flexible and sensitive clergy.

  • Posted by: - Aug. 22, 2004 11:41 PM ET USA

    ...and all of the Arizona Diamondbacks--with their equipment.

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