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By Diogenes (articles ) | Feb 29, 2004

24:01:44:02: Dallas, we have a problem.

24:01:44:05: Go ahead, Fidelis.

24:01:44:09: Dallas, we're showing an undervolt on main bishop B for Boston. We've got 5, no 7, ... make that 24 priests out of action. Over.

24:01:44:16: Fidelis, we copy 24 priests. Suggest possible telemetry problem, over.

24:01:44:22: Negative, Dallas. We're now reading 32 fizzled priests. Rate of loss is increasing, over.

24:01:45:13: Fidelis, this is Dallas. DIDCOM believes attrition will stabilize at 40 or 45 priests. [unintelligible] telemetry glitch is still possible, over.

24:01:45:18: Dallas, we're showing 81, repeat 81 priests, and growing. Subpoenas taking down bishops Boston, Brooklyn, New York and Manchester ... possible Cincinnati as well. Attitude is not stable. We're losing orientation, Dallas, over.

24:01:45:23: Dallas, this is Fidelis. Do you copy? over.

24:01:45:28: That's affirmative, Fidelis. We're on a learning curve here. [unintelligible]

24:01:49:07: Dallas, we're showing 50+ losses in Detroit and Los ... wait, total failure of bishop in Palm Beach, he's completely off-line, Dallas. Looks like he might be bringing down St. Petersburg with him. Lexington is off-line ... Oh this son of ... Milwaukee just went down, Dallas, repeat, Milwaukee is dead. Request instructions, over.

24:01:52:56: Fidelis, this is Dallas. Commence power-down scheme number 22, power-down scheme number 22. Do you copy? over.

24:01:53:00: Query "22," Dallas, over.

24:01:53:06: Roger, 22 it is, Fidelis. Commence power-down immediately, over.

24:01:53:12: We copy, Dallas ... powering-down now ... that leaves us with ... with the offertory, the kiss of peace, and the acolytes' summer picnic. Dallas, if we're going to make it home we're going to need some sacramental grace, over.

24:01:53:33: Working on it, Fidelis, over.

24:01:58:27: Dallas, we can't [unintelligible]

24:01:58:42: Fidelis, this is Dallas, over.

24:01:59:15: Fidelis, this is Dallas, over.

24:02:00:42: Fidelis, this is Dallas, over.

Terminated at Mission Elapsed Time 24:02:15:00

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Show 5 Comments? (Hidden)Hide Comments
  • Posted by: Fr. William - Mar. 02, 2004 8:20 PM ET USA

    The whole time I read this one, I couldn't keep from laughing (with sadness about the truth of it all). Diogenes, you're brilliant. No coincidence, faithful friends, 24:02:00:42, Feb. 24, 2004, Dallas is over, and the real work of the Church has to begin, this time with faithful, strong and holy bishops. Pray for the Church. Jesus, have Mercy. Help us, Mary. Help us pray for the Church's leaders, for Pope John Paul II, and for the bishops... for Faithful and holy bishops and priests, pray.

  • Posted by: Fr. William - Mar. 02, 2004 12:23 PM ET USA

    The whole time I read this one, I couldn't keep from laughing (with sadness about the truth of it all). Diogenes, you're brilliant. No coincidence, faithful friends, 24:02:00:04, Feb. 24, 2004, Dallas is over, and the real work of the Church has to begin, this time with faithful, strong and holy bishops. Pray for the Church. Jesus, have Mercy. Help us, Mary. Help us pray for the Church's leaders, for Pope John Paul II, and for the bishops... for Faithful and holy bishops and priests, pray.

  • Posted by: leila - Mar. 01, 2004 10:35 AM ET USA

    Hmmm. Funny? No... Diogenes, I can hear the static on the line while everyone holds his breath, searching the skies for hope. This life-or-death mission does indeed require ground control.

  • Posted by: - Mar. 01, 2004 9:55 AM ET USA

    We are not Protestants so all we can do is complain and ridicule and keep a tight grip on our wallets. I have no less devotion to the episcopacy than I ever did. It is because of that devotion that I am outraged over the despiccable characters that occupy many of the episcopal sees in this country (and throughout the world). We have a right to expect these men to be saintly (if not saints). Instead they are all too often just the Catholic equivalent of Harvard Business School graduates.

  • Posted by: John J Plick - Feb. 29, 2004 5:07 PM ET USA

    It indeed would be very funny, Diogenes, except for one small teensy, weensy detail; we're ALL Catholics and we're ALL in this "Spaceship" together! It's more like "Fasten your seat-belts, and thank-you for flying Lufthansa!" I think somebody had better figure out how to repair the plane before its too late!

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