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Afraid of a Witch-Hunt?

By Diogenes (articles ) | Feb 27, 2004

The review board's report mentions that more than 80 percent of the abuse at issue was of a homosexual nature. The report theorizes that the problem reflects a cohort of gay priests, based on their figures that the percentage of male victims rose from 64 percent in the 1950's, to 76 percent in the 1960's and 86 percent in the 1980's.

Think you see a pattern here? Well, you're wrong.

James Levine, dean of graduate studies and research at John Jay, who coordinated the study, likened the phenomenon to male prisoners who have sex with men, not because they are gay, but because that is who they have access to.

C'mon, Jim. That'll sound-bite us though Bishop Gregory's press conference this morning, but there are folks out there who know that most priests don't live in locked mountaintop monasteries, and your clients are going to need more convincing rationalizations in the long term. The following theories are at least as plausible as the Sing Sing Romance Hypothesis.

  • The boys were not abused by gays, but by straights with very poor eyesight who thought they were tumbling the housekeeper.
  • Most victims were right-wing girls who only later claimed to be boys in order to discredit gay clergy.
  • The abusers were not gay but adikematophiles, i.e., persons with a compulsive sexual attraction to partners forbidden by law. And the age of consent is lower for females, Q.E.D.
  • Correlating the ratio of boy to girl victims with the dates (lowest in the 1950s, highest in the 1980s) we find that the key factor is not attraction to males but revulsion at Mary Kay cosmetics and skin care products.

Regardless of the explanation eventually offered for public consumption, we can be confident that the same passion for problem-solving that initiated this study will see it through to its oblivion. I can think of no finer augury for the future than the reaction of Bishop William Skylstad (Gregory's almost certain successor as USCCB president), when confronted with the revelation that Spokane Bishop Lawrence Welsh had tried to throttle a male prostitute in his hotel room:

"Obviously, he had a very serious drinking problem," Skylstad said. "Certainly, it's very sad behavior associated with that drinking. That would be my observation."

Bishop Skylstad, go to the head of the class.

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Show 7 Comments? (Hidden)Hide Comments
  • Posted by: John J Plick - Feb. 27, 2004 8:28 PM ET USA

    The bishops are deliberately protecting entrenched consensual homosexual relationships among their priests, and perhaps even among themselves. How convenient for them that the "desperate" among the homosexual clergy are "green-apple" pickers and can be categorized as "pedophiles." Sacraficing "them" allows them (the bishops) to distract attention from the more entrenched offenders. Otherwise, perhaps, they (the bishops) would have to throw priests out in pairs, and perhaps a few of their own.

  • Posted by: - Feb. 27, 2004 7:51 PM ET USA

    Okie dokie. I've only been Catholic for a few years and have only encountered a few priests whose sexual orientation was obviously of the homosexual variety. In all instances I found myself repulsed, angered, and molified. The priesthood is no place for homosexuals, no matter how "chaste." If their orientation is so obvious, obviously they haven't exactly been following Jesus or else they'd be more like Him. They are just plain bad examples - scandal waiting to happen.

  • Posted by: - Feb. 27, 2004 6:40 PM ET USA

    How about this, "Last night I was so drunk, I do not know what happened. What happened? Am i the President?" Bp. Skylstadt to an inquiring reporter following the closing ceremonies of the next USCBC meeting.

  • Posted by: - Feb. 27, 2004 6:38 PM ET USA

    I sincerely hope that the bishops ignore the politically correct James Levine and listen more to what Bob Bennett had to say. In short, the bishops need to WAKE UP and realize that the problem is HOMOSEXUALITY, not celibacy. Why are so many in the hierarchy pretending to be blind to this? God save us from the Lavender Mafia!!!!

  • Posted by: - Feb. 27, 2004 10:54 AM ET USA

    Yes, when we have priests whooping it up with homosexuals at Mardi Gras and trolling gay bars in Toronto, obviously it is just an access issue or the 'demon rum'. Case closed.

  • Posted by: Pseudodionysius - Feb. 27, 2004 10:18 AM ET USA

    I sense people switching to hi tar cigarettes and that the mattress full of dynamite is becoming imperiled. All we need is one flick of the ash from Ash Wednesday....

  • Posted by: Pseudodionysius - Feb. 27, 2004 10:16 AM ET USA

    Priests are like prisoners engaging in Sodomy? I'm no professional Thomist, but methinks his use of Analogy here is a little crabbed. Isn't a prison a punishment or penalty for an offence? If these priests are feeling so imprisoned it seems odd to me that they wouldn't try and escape from the penitentiary.

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