An End to Ensler

By Diogenes ( articles ) | Feb 24, 2004

It's become quasi-liturgical in its ritual predictability. A Catholic college announces it will stage Eve Ensler's V Monologues. Outraged alumni write Father President demanding action. Father President replies with the standard two paragraphs of clichés on the need to raise consciousness about violence against women. And of course the inevitable media coverage blitz always works to the benefit of the anti-family crowd.

Well, I have a suggestion for bringing the "V Monologues" to a halt.

You get jock fraternities to put on the play, casting their "little sisters" as the performers. No changes necessary; keep the script intact. Schedule it maybe for Ground Hog's Day, just to give faculty and admin hacks time after the Christmas break to read the posters and conjure up the mental picture of a roomful of Alpha Delts, all five or six tallboys to the good, wolf-whistling the actresses and hooting in testosterone-fueled glee at the trash-talk.

Overnight, from being a bold and disturbing exploration of emerging values, the "V Monologues" will become a threat to women's safety and an insult to feminists everywhere. Deans will give interviews against it. Chaplains will denounce it from the pulpit. The women's studies department will organize candlelight vigils in protest. And don't worry about the lubricious enjoyment given the frat boys, because there won't be any enjoyment. Father President will hold a press conference announcing the cancellation, and threatening to suspend any fraternity that disobeys.

It'll spoil Father's Valentine's Day, though.