Off the Record

Of birds and marriage

By Phil Lawler (bio - articles ) | November 19, 2003 9:35 AM

Let's suppose that, 180 days from now, you can produce a document from a town clerk in Massachusetts, certifying that you're a bird.

Does that mean you'll be able to fly?

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Show 3 Comments? (Hidden)Hide Comments
  • Posted by: Sterling - Nov. 24, 2003 11:34 PM ET USA

    No, "bird" would thus be redefined. I am certified as bird. Bird is I. Flapping, or flying, or having feathers for that matter would no longer have aught to do with it. See? Doesn't that make sense?

  • Posted by: - Nov. 19, 2003 5:31 PM ET USA

    To be logical, the Mass. Supreme Court might fire off a dictum that within 180 days the state legislture must pass a law that the sun will shine on everyone in the state, otherwise, there is discrimination. Perhaps another part of that legislation could inisis that if it rains in one portion of the state, it must rain equally on all other portions of the state. We must stamp out all discrimination...especially the kind that the Creator built into His creation! Jashu

  • Posted by: - Nov. 19, 2003 4:17 PM ET USA

    No, but we must all respect their right to flap their arms and crap on our windshields. But the hope is, as one Mass. justice said, that we won't simply comply with a court order about birdness because the judges are a bunch of thugs with the power to imprison and bankrupt anyone who disagrees with them. Instead, we should voluntarily delude ourselves and compliment the new "bird" on how well he flies.

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